Indifferent

Caring

2011-12-12T10:49:00.002+08:00

Dear Blog,

truth be told, im getting a little weary.

Scenario 1: if i didnt mention it right at the beginning and dont give a thought about it, you'd have gone out with cc or fx. i'd appear to be drifting because i dont give any thoughts about anything. and you'll happily be out with cc, fx or anybody else. you'll be happy, you'll soon see the same situation as the previous one that you've encountered. you'll find them more interesting. you'll wonder why i dont seem to care.

Scenario 2: if i choose to be against the idea of going out alone with cc, fx or anybody, i'll appear to be restrictive, to be over possessive. I cant let you to become you. I dont respect you. Yeah all these hurtful stuffs get hurled back at me. 'oh in other words, you just dont have faith in me la' you see? if things are being probed, it becomes no faith, no respect, no true you.

im seriously sandwiched between these 2 which i can be neither, blog. Blog, why cant you understand my dilemma? How sure are you that cc or fx (or those you intend to go out alone with) arent interested in you? Yes, you can assure me now that oh they like you and you cant stop them but as long as you dont reciprocate it will be fine. How certain are you that you wont waiver despite all their doings? Perhaps, the way you handled things in the past really did have an impact on the things today but it's definitely not the sole reason.

When i mentioned group, you were adamant that they dont exist, you dont belong to any. you chose to believe that way and refused to listen what i was saying. you totally just blocked me off. how is this trying to understand what im saying? how is this trying to listen? the reason why i mentioned group was really simple, if you do hang out in a group, and if cc, fx or whoever really do have any feelings, they are more unlikely to do anything funny? Well, if you cant see this point then basically i've failed in raising such awareness.

You kept insisting that you'll try and things dont change / happen overnight but each time you try, are you merely doing it for the sake of doing? or do you see the underlying reason and do things with love? 'oh btw im chatting w XYZ', 'good morning' in the event you do receive these from me, will you see what i see? because from my POV, they seemed forced like oh im supposed to do this so i do it just to make you happy -end of story- how are things gonna be happier this way? you asked me to remind you when youre not doing/saying the things you are supposed to. if i were to remind you, in a way im forcing things upon you and making you do things you dont want to do? if you arent even doing all these things with love, with conscious effort, in what way are you passionate about all these things? you simply do not believe in the mechanics of all the things you've been doing on a routine. Does a mum wash clothes because she thinks she has to wash to make the whole family happy? then she'll think 'oh, i forgot to wash. kk i go wash' OR do the mum wash clothes because she loves the family, because she wants the family to have clean clothes to wear when going out? We often take things for granted. Having clean clothes each time we go out, taking pocket money, having a roof above our head. Did our parents not do those things out of love? the underlying message i'm trying to bring across is - things are meant to be done with love. if you dont love what youre doing, then you'll always be unhappy doing the things you are TOLD to do, rather than you exercise your own conscious effort to do for others. if you love dance, you'll practise randomly, you'll stretch on your bed just trying to be able to do a split someday. if you love singing, you'll sing randomly, you'll put in an effort to try to correct the problems faced in singing. you LOVE smth, you'll make an EFFORT to do it without being told because subconsciously, you love whatever you're doing.

you say life is tough. no one ever said life was simple. without a challenge, how do we strive? but it's about how we change that mindset to become positive. how we make that challenge interesting, fun and enjoyable! no one was borned with the ability to excel well for exams, to be able to play squash, to be able to shoot an arrow. we learn as we grow. we accept difficulties when we face one but we do not admit defeat right at the sight of one.

of the 80% of the time, im sorry and i do admit it's my fault for always pursuing things you do not like to correct. i do admit i was negative about many things and i've myself to blame. but somehow i do hope sometimes you can make me positive, tell me things, do things not for the sake of doing but out of your own gesture.

in short, i'll end it with something i learnt from somewhere -
speak sweeter, love deeper, give forgiveness, embrace eternity

honestly, i do hope you understand, Blog. I really seek your understanding in doing things not merely cos you HAVE to do it but you LOVE to do it.

From your beloved writer,
Glen

baffled and defeated

2011-11-30T22:27:00.003+08:00

baffled and defeated (me), i seek to make you happy and that alone will do.

it's indeed easier loving someone, than to be loved.

i'll not ask to be loved / understood anymore because it's something that should have been done without me asking but apparently ive done all i can in asking to be understood but to no avail.

losing myself

2011-11-30T22:15:00.002+08:00

i feel like i'm losing myself. but that's okay :D

i feel like i'm not my usual. but that's okay :D

everything's okay if i set my mind to doing things like these if these makes you happy.

because each step i try to go forward, i end up falling back 3 steps. so why don't i take a few steps back so that this will pass like you wanted it to (:

why do i even bother

2011-11-29T01:22:00.005+08:00

why do i still ask you even when i know you wont tell me / give me an answer?

why do i still ask knowing that having no reply, i'll get emotional?

why do i still bother asking even though i've been through this many times?

is a part of me hoping that some day, somehow, probably you'll tell me? or is it because i just like being emotional. ha

i guess i'll never know, because either way you're not gonna tell me anyway.

because each time you dont tell me, i will only assume it as what i think it is and the thought will definitely be unpleasant
(if not why will i even get emotional).

when will you open up to the extent that you need not think of holding anything back / hiding anything when you talk to me?

i sure look forward to that day.

will it be a year's time? a decade's? or a century (ha, i wont even live that long)? it's all up to you ;/ and im blogging this because i do not know how to tell you anymore like how you do not know how tell me.

bleh

2011-11-25T23:26:00.001+08:00

at times, it hurts more than it shows

reflection

2011-11-25T23:01:00.003+08:00

when something hits your raw nerve, you'll jerk. yeah that was exactly what happened to me. "and we still have to live our own life, not just being tgt with each other all the time", when we lead a life of our own (with little or no consideration of others), we are living alone. being tgt goes beyond just the physical aspect but rather, it becomes a natural reflex at the back of the head. its something that becomes effortless after a while to be concerned. rawr i dont know what im saying anymore. i guess in some ways, it's easier to love than to be loved. hahah i dont know how much im losing in life, but i know im losing it slowly but surely.

on a side note, i think i will flunk my paper tomorrow. not because i didnt study for it but rather, i dont feel like im sane enough to do a stats paper with a clear mind at the moment. i need some faith. yeah perhaps that's what i need at the moment.

push and pull

2011-11-20T01:22:00.001+08:00

in a push or pull system, you either push or you pull. if you cant push, you pull. if you cant pull, you push. but if you cant pull, and the other person doesn't allow you to push. the only thing you can do is to do nothing. after all, you've tried. the rest is beyond you. nothing you can do to make the person budge anyway.

11/11/11 wish

2011-11-11T23:27:00.004+08:00

Many wishes were made today; some were simple, others complex.

There were wishes for health, money, fame or even good results for the examinations.

However, today, I made a humble one.

Wishing that for my lifetime's worth of Nov 11, you will be by my side, spending good times and facing adversity together (:

[:

2011-11-06T19:40:00.000+08:00

just be contented.

surprise is no surprise

2011-10-26T07:49:00.002+08:00

sometimes i ponder if fate is playing me out. surprises fail time after time. with each passing time, you lose heart of everything? when your surprise backfires the first time, it's mere disappointment. the second, a tinge of sadness. the third, you start to get numb or rather the disappointment hits you real hard but you just swallow it down and pretend everything's alright :D perhaps each time you expect but you never get what you wanted so might as well dont expect - i learnt that many lessons ago. understanding as a person can get, you cant deny him of that feeling but no one's gonna make that up for him.

why cant anything just happen normally. the normal course of action that never seem to happen. it seems like each time there's an intent to do something, fate brings you down. hah. going home after cca the way it is, be it by bus or car; going to an event to help out; meeting on a normal sch day. aren't all these normal courses of action? or are they special events whereby there's much uncertainty. hahaha but when a surprise backfires and bites back to surprise the person who's planning the surprise, yknow that nothing can be deem certain anymore.

when you wake up at 4am (i never ever do, knowing how i always procrastinate and never early for meet ups/classes), when you spend the time and effort to make a breakfast (i dont even make one for myself every day), when you make an effort to catch the first bus (and constantly worry if the first bus is able to reach in time to deliver the breakfast), when you reach and you wait patiently for the usual morning greeting (that never came and continue wondering if the person is up and probably busy getting ready to come down). when all of these never materialise, you know there's nothing you can do anymore with your surprise. yeah, this is how you feel each time you plan a surprise, try to make it work out, only to see your plan fumble when you get surprised instead with things you never expect to happen (:

the problem with surprises is only you are able to get to see the immense amount of effort and time to make things happen. the other party will only know that, oh you've planned a surprise, im sorry it didnt work out but that person will not make up for your time or effort because he/she never knows, will never know.

life is full of surprises itself. surprise doesnt occur every day. doesnt happen all the time. i guess that's what makes surprises special? that's what make surprises precious. but when you see your surprises always failing, it's probably telling you to move on and stop all your surprise nonsense cos the other party will never appreciate it. not because the other party is not appreciative of your efforts (im sure your other party will be shocked and able to share the joy and surprise with you if it materialise) but rather because the surprise doesnt work out for that person to appreciate in the first place.

yeah, so much for a surprise. :D

tian hui..

2011-10-24T15:19:00.000+08:00

我的天空今天有点灰
我的心是个落叶的季节
我不知道如何度过今夜

也许过了今夜，我就会觉得更好 :D

a happy mix

2011-10-15T00:51:00.002+08:00

thursday and friday were rather happy days after a seemingly bad wednesday! i probed too far, i asked too much, possessive much on wed! but thursday started well? it all started with a star and a heart! i know you may think it's ridiculous for me to make such bold statements that it's because of them that kickstarted my day really well.. but i can ensure you that it was really the case. it may appear to be cheesy and you thought i wasnt really serious. you just dont know whats the power of your little actions!

i was quite shocked with your encouragements that came in a special form! i managed to pull through my presentation in the morning, received quite good news about my test results (though there may be changes. and still not as good as a 29/30 haahah), was okay for biz law and subsequently performed well during toastmaster.

All these couldnt be possible, srsly, without that little push:D

Friday was awesome too! that long walk was really nice (despite the sweat)! i enjoyed every single moment (:

im starting to like long walks w you <3 two and more to come!

i believe i've come to terms with many things that i often worry/think about. i shall let that pass. i do not want to be unhappy over such silly things anymore.

no expectations

2011-10-02T17:13:00.004+08:00

Dear Glen,

I hope you have already realized that when you put someone before you (ie. of the highest priority), you often fall short of your expectations.

Start doing things without any expectations for a change.

Regards,
Your Inner Self

ps. do numb yourself and be constantly reminded that you're still unofficial to the family so you can never appear in front of her family members under any circumstances. thanks. and stop being sad when youre reminded of disappearing.

feeling like an astronaut ):

2011-09-24T18:30:00.004+08:00

Can anybody hear me?
Am I talking to myself?
My mind is running empty
In the search for someone else
Who doesn't look right through me.
It's all just static in my head
Can anybody tell me why I'm lonely like a satellite?

'Cause tonight I'm feeling like an astronaut
Sending SOS from this tiny box
And I lost all signal when I lifted up
Now I'm stuck out here and the world forgot
Can I please come down, cause I'm tired of drifting round and round
Can I please come down?

I'm deaf from all the silence
Is it something that I've done?
I know that there are millions
I can't be the only one who's so disconnected
It's so different in my head.
Can anybody tell me why I'm lonely like a satellite?

'Cause tonight I'm feeling like an astronaut
Sending SOS from this tiny box
And I lost all signal when I lifted up
Now I'm stuck out here and the world forgot
Can I please come down, cause I'm tired of drifting round and round
Can I please come down?

Now I lie awake and scream in a zero gravity
And it's starting to weigh down on me.
Let's abort this mission now
Can I please come down?

So tonight I'm calling all astronauts
Calling lonely people that the world forgot
If you hear my voice come pick me up
Are you out there?
'Cause you're all I've got!

'Cause tonight I'm feeling like an astronaut
Sending SOS from this tiny box
And I lost all signal when I lifted up
Now I'm stuck out here and the world forgot

'Cause tonight I'm feeling like an astronaut
Sending SOS from this tiny box
To the lonely people that the world forgot
Are you out there?
'Cause you're all I've got!

Can I please come down?
'Cause I'm tired of drifting round and round.
Can I please come down?

does anyone know im feeling like an astronaut. doesnt matter who what where when how. no one knows and it's gonna be alright. /tonlaiciffognileef #getoutofyouremotionsglen

htht

2011-09-20T01:31:00.002+08:00

you appeared at the most random moment to hear me rant just when i thought there was no one else to hear me out. i'm really glad you are around (: things have been awesome and will get even better (i hope, or rather, i know lol) emotions have not been really kind to me, bothering me as and when it feels like. annoying as it may be, i did not give in, i did not give up.

recess wk is here and im thankful for that. gives me a breather from a hectic thurs every week. much needed rest (though i think i can work harder than my current std). study smart, sleep early, get rid of love handles. yeah that's about it and i'll have to walk the talk this time!

i am an ant too?

/quote communication is key to a r/s /unquote

best thing 'bout tonight's that we're not fighting
could it be that we have been this way before
i know you don't think that i am trying..

lessthanthreeminmin

2011-08-22T21:31:00.008+08:00

lark-happy yet disappointed. i cant decide how im feeling right now.

In this time of fear, when prayer so often proves in vain
Hope seems like the summer birds, too swiftly flown away
Yet now I'm standing here, my heart so full I can't explain
Seeking faith and speaking words, I'd never thought I'd say

you've no idea how much you've brighten up my days ever since i knew you, exactly the reason why im looking forward to each and every day. i know it's unfair to ask for your decision now so i guess i'll wait.. hoping someday you'll put that faith in me to form 'us'.

lost in taiwan

2011-06-25T04:17:00.007+08:00

Many times i pray i know what i want to do in life, to my dismay i'm always lost. seeking adventures was never my cup of tea nor my can of coke and yet there's always a glimmer of mischief in me. what i did may be right and what you did may not be wrong. let's hope things stay this way. tonight is the fifth night in taipei and it seems like this friendship trip is going awry. i should have known that there were many differences among us and it's impossible to be accommodating all the time. it's never easy to hide your differences in order to seek a compromise.

we are who we are. i've decided that i should no longer fool myself that an overseas trip with friends will be an enjoyable one. there may be heated arguments but at the end of the day, it's imperative that the friendship aint broken and we are responsible for making it so. i wish that someday i can find friends who may have the same interests and make an ideal trip overseas together. it may seem to be a wishful thinking but i hope it will work out someday. like i said previously, true friends are like four-leave clovers - they are hard to find but good to have. friendships go far in life and there are definitely many friendships i'll like to keep.

this trip to taiwan didnt start too well. i guess it's partially my fault for not putting in enough effort to make things happen right from the start. the selfish side of me was busy preparing for exams without having any considerations for the planning of the trip. i guess i could have spared some time in the preparation. at the start of it, there were many different ideas and vocals. there was an idea for a common fund where everyone will contribute a similar sum for the purchase of common items such as museum tickets and transportation. however, it was being used for food as well where everyone had different preference. the idea of sharing was never a fair one but i guess money is immaterial. sharing is important, but character should be of a paramount importance as character brings one far. perhaps i'm a little petty here but you cant blame someone who study accounting to be so calculative ;O

speaking of which, my exams just ended and i can only say it was poorly done. i never felt worse taking those papers. i really hope that i can pass 3 out of 4 papers that i sat. however, i think it's more plausible in passing just 1 ;/ oh well, hope there's some luck element in those papers and i can barely scrape through. i cant do anything about the paper anymore, thus the only thing i can do is hoping that everything turn out well? hmm

wish that i have a lending shoulder to cry upon, a listening ear for my non-stop nagging. now that i've chosen this solitary path, i need to rely on myself even more and be stronger!

there are times, it struck me.

if we're ever meant to be.

the sky's getting darker,

i need some answer.

so take a star, make a wish

maybe someday we'll make it

til then, will we

ever meet once again.

good friday/ easter sunday

2011-04-24T22:52:00.000+08:00

pierced for our transgressions, crushed for our iniquities.

Love my hurt away

2011-04-12T01:15:00.009+08:00

when things don't go the way you expected it to, life definitely suck in one way or another. just when i thought it'll be an Awesome April, it turned out to be April Agony. Indeed, what goes up must come down. That's what many will always say when they face a challenging time of their life. :/ we often pray for perseverance, strength and courage but they seldom materialize. I'm not questioning the faith in the prayer but rather, I think given all these, we remain unhappy with who we are and what we do.

I've been draggy with certain feelings I've been bottling. sometimes, I wish I know what I'm doing. I'm not exactly directionless or purposeless. It's just that perhaps I'm not facing up to reality. I don't really understand why I'm "forcing" myself to like or am I? Is the gap that huge a difference that it will become unacceptable? Is the distance a measure taken to ensure no misunderstandings and yet keep everything in an amicable position? Am I spending too much effort trying and too little time working it out? I wish a stronger side of me can stand out and tell me exactly what to do with what I want and how to face whatever the outcome is. It's taking a toll on my life! HELP!!!

It's 2 more months to d-day and little has been done to revise or rather STUDY for the 4 modules I'm currently taking - Taxation, Financial Reporting, Audit and Assurance, Financial Management (all of which I've yet to cover 10% of the syllabus respectively). I shall do my best to work out a plan to finish all these by may 21st or I'm so dead. Have to complete my revision/studying for these mods before the 25km passionrun! hopefully, when i return to this blog on that very day, i can smile and say i've done it :/ procrastination has always impede my progress of studying but 4 modules for 1 semester is a level never tested before. Work has to start from somewhere.

I want to play a song, I want to write one. I want to dive into a pool, I want to glide through. I want to love you, more importantly, I want you by my side. I wish you can love all my hurt away.

Where are all those tears coming from

Why are they falling

Somebody, somebody, somebody left your heart in the cold

You just need somebody to hold on, baby

Give me a chance to put back all the pieces

Take your broken heart

Make it just like new

There's so many things I can do

Why don't you tell me where it hurts now, baby

And I'll do my best to make it better

Yes, I'll do my best to make those tears all go away

Just tell me where it hurts now, tell me

And I love you with a love so tender

Oh and if you let me stay

I'll love all of the hurt away.

you were once my joy my laughter but now you're just my pain my worry. no matter what, you'll still be the reason.

stronger. better. faster.

2011-02-06T12:21:00.002+08:00

i guess it's a really random time to blog but it's chu si now and there'll be a bday party later in the evening.. cant help but wondering who really are my true friends. i'm quite sick and tired of being somebody im not, sick and tired of thinking about how others feel/think. in the end, everyone will be taking things for granted and start pushing around?

received a msg from an ex-office colleague.. he told me to treasure the times im having in army because when i enter uni, i'll not be making friends, but rather, project mates. i guess it's true to a certain extent.. but i feel like im slowly losing many friends even at this moment. in the near future, when i enter the corporate world, i'll be having even less friends due to work commitments :O ohh well think i'll be a really lonesome man. HAHAHAH

this cny, i've gained much not in the sense of angpao money but valuable insights.. went to visit both my grandparents on the first day.. at my maternal side's, both my grandparents are bickering over minute things like fried rice?! i used to think that as we grow old, we are less conscious of the things around us, more oblivious to our surroundings. however, the fact that my grandparents are quarreling over such ridiculous things make me ponder.. why the animosity at such an elderly stage? after that, we visited my paternal grandma at some old folks home. can tell that she was really glad to see my family.. smiles all over her face. however, due to her dementia, she was unable to recall my brother and i.. she didnt know who we are.. which is kinda sad. and she was hard of hearing which makes understanding all the more difficult.. however, she still tries her best. whenever we speak to her and she couldnt hear, she'll just give a small and laugh.. we thought she was really optimistic.. everything changed when we brought her back to her bed.. when she lied down, she suddenly teared. there was this sudden bout of emotions that came out of my heart atm. i was wondering is she tearing cos she's sad that she couldnt recognise us, tearing cos we were about to leave or tearing cos she hates being stricken with so many problems and there's nothing she can do about it.. i wanted to cry with her then.. but she held onto my hands and smiled.. there was this sudden surge of emotions in me which i cant describe but i nv felt so close to my grandma before.. i wanted to tell her to stay strong and i know she'll overcome whatever's in the way!

no matter how rich we become, how 'fortunate' we are, how lucky we get in life, death is inevitable.. as we grow old, i feel that friend's company is the most impt.. we get many second chances in life but we dont have true friends appearing all the time. if i'm unable to find one atm, i really cant imagine what it'll be like when i grow old.. ): nvm, walk one step see one step (literally)

need to be stronger. better. faster.

uberrimae fidei

2010-10-03T20:24:00.002+08:00

i stare up at the stars
i wonder just where you are
you feel a million miles away

sometimes i wonder if everything's changing or am i still staying at where i used to be. years have passed and it seemed like we are hardly acquainted. i mean afterall, we worked at d&b before. lol argh whatever. but it seems like in most of the things we do, hardly anything is kept constant. one moment, i may be happily chatting away with A. next, i'm not and im pondering why. actually i shouldnt even be bothered :/ but somehow.. idk.

i cant get myself to study during free time! esp during wkends. just wasting them away. exams are 2 mths away and i guess it's gonna be a last min thing again. oh well. i just cant rmb all the case facts and what not for law! i'd rather do maths like variances for performance management. law is simply 'easy' to understand but i just cant get myself to remember anything! uberrimae fidei! lol i wish i can just find my motivation for now. like someone, or something. sigh help is seriously appreciated ):

on another note, had a bball game ytd which started quite.. eggciting i'd say. it was my first time witnessing a brawl of some sort. hahahh i always thought everyone is rationale. there's no need to draw punches but i guess i'm wrong. lucky we were able to sought help from the management to mediate between both my friend and some big size dude. kudos to the management guy who resolved the commotion. oh well it was an interesting night indeed.

i need a little more luck than a little bit
'cos everytime i get stuck the words wont fit
and everytime i try i get tongue tied
i need a little good luck to get me by..

bbb9700

2010-08-10T23:27:00.003+08:00

i just need to shout!

i'm losing control of what's happening. understudied a good friend of mine and taking over his job is totally uncool but i hope somehow i'll get by. thanks alan for being always there to help me each time i face a problem. Now that you're gone(from the office), i feel like i lost a great buddy at work. it was indeed a joy working with you. hope we meet up outside with ryan and all! 6 months seem like a long journey but i'll do my best to survive. at the end of it all, i know i'll learn many lessons of which i'll continue to see in the corporate world out there. this will not be the end but just the beginning. ohwell

there's so many emotions inside me but i find it hard to express. there are many things i want to do but i never got about to doing them. howw! i'm glad i got my pdl (finally) and bbb! totally love my new phone ttm. took me sometime to decide bb over i4 :/ i know it's kinda late but at least ive started learning how to drive. shall try to cope with both acca and driving one way or another! sigh i think im going broke with driving and bowling. how i wish money drops from the sky. my lecturer is right - cash is king. without which, we cant do the things we want to do and we'll end up being unhappy. dayaam!

law and performance management! i'll conquer you both! HAHAH results are coming out on the 20th. im totally not confident of f1/3! sigh but it's over alr and there's nothing i can do. hope i can just pass them so that i can move on without retaking any mods. RAWR wish me luck people. hahah as for bowling, i totally sucked at the ndp marathon comp. what a waste of 60$. the company was interesting though i guess. :O i need to be more consistent and confident before joining comps -.= sigh will achieve it one day! tsk.

i feel so troubled.. someone save me! AHHHHHHHH (phdp) the pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple!

i should not be on the com

2010-06-06T19:19:00.002+08:00

i know i should not be here right now. but i cant help having this feeling of being lost.

i think i just realised i lost someone i needed most.

2 more days to the beginning.

dajh

2010-06-01T11:03:00.003+08:00

to know you is to ache for more than the ordinary.

oh well. it's coming and im only 1/3 prepared :/ ( target performance : 3 passes of which 2 are 85. lol now for performance control and measurement. okay im blabbering nonsense. )

things come things go. maybe it's time you go.

love unfailing, overtaking my heart

2010-04-18T22:28:00.005+08:00

if given another chance, would i have done it differently?

i often pose that question to myself. argh i keep thinking about the past lately and wonder if things would be any different if i chose a different path. oh well, lstd. i wish someone can teach me on this game called life so that i can lead a happier life. lol i don't like the pretence and sarcasm i'm facing at work. i'm not working hard enough in my studies. i'm not being myself most of the times! perhaps someday, i'm going to crash into this wall i'm creating for myself. sigh

work. more often that not, i accept whatever you give me. i do whatever you shove to me. i respect you. however, i really cannot understand why must you make every process a painstaking one for everyone. why create a mountain out of a molehill? why cant you be flexible? because of the fact that you want everything to be done under your knowledge, there's no freedom for us to do our work.

studies. why am i procrastinating each time i tell myself it's time to study? it's my fault that i'm not working hard enough. maybe i should chuck this laptop somewhere in my room. maybe i should stop thinking about work incessantly. the world doesnt revolve around me. i should just do my part at work and stop thinking about it after office hours. Does working so hard get me anywhere? No. Hence, i shall study more, worry less. i hope i can do it for the next two months til the war is over.

life. why must you always put me down or am i caring too much about something which doesnt even exist? all i wanted was to help you but you just have to reject it. what do any of us have to gain from this exchange? in the end, you didnt get the tickets you want and i was of no help. ha. things might have been different if we were good friends in the beginning. yada yada.

argh i wish time can come to a standstill for me to sort whatever i want to do. then again, would i have done anything differently? :/

til we meet again.

Dear Lord, please grant me the patience to deal with things i dislike, love to care for people around me, power to stay focus in my studies and last but not least, strength to overcome all weaknesses. Thank You Lord for everything that You've given me. Amen.

breaking ice

2010-03-24T21:24:00.009+08:00

sometimes, we have to turn things around but we cant do that alone.

Rain down on me

Rain down on me.

it's been 3 days and it felt like forever. anyway i'm glad i tried to break the ice once again! it was short but yay (:

no place to be

2010-03-22T23:10:00.000+08:00

can i cry myself to sleep?

emo ttm

2010-03-21T21:22:00.002+08:00

i'm so sorry i have to seek solace in you, blog.

i'm about to go crazy. why did i listen to them! rotten advices. i'm better off doing things my own way. but anyway, it's over i guess. just ruined everything. hmmm i seriously need a miracle for a change to happen. sighhhhhhh ttm. can someone save me from falling?

on another note, celebrated my grandma's bday today and found out that there's so much pow wow happening in the family. family politics actually. argh why are there so many problems surfacing now. i wish i can find someone who can lend me a listening ear. someone to talk to about everything that's happening.

am i under-achieving? i can't seem to get many things right. i can't find the path i want to go. i can't do well in whatever i take. why is this happening! what do i want actually? i can't decide as well. so L.

everyone needs more time. but who's giving us more time? sigh seriously. im feeling so down.

i shall place everything on the soccer match tonight :/ what a gamble. hmm if lpool wins, i shall pursue. if man u wins, i shall give up. if they draw, i shall be as troubled as before. ):

how can i keep from singing

2010-03-09T00:02:00.006+08:00

And though the storms may come
i am holding on
to the rock i cling

There's a part of me that is feeling so angsty right now and another feeling tired. It's really unbecoming of you people. I'm truly disappointed in the course administrator. As our superior, i felt that more could be done (ie. giving constructive comments) but all that was done was pointing fingers. Nothing could be worse than pushing the blame onto everyone else except oneself. Sometimes i wonder if the help rendered to you guys was ever appreciated. argh!

on another note, i've yet to re-apply for uni & register for my exams for this sem! note to self : finish every application by end of this wk! oh well too busy recently with random stuffs. and i'm indeed doing random stuffs :/ confused! anyway i'm kinda excited about the upcoming bowling comp this sat. hahah

I can sing in the troubled times
sing when i win
i can sing when i lose my step
and fall down again
i can sing cause You pick me up
sing cause You're there

are you who i think you are? :/

Your grace beyond reason

2010-02-24T22:31:00.005+08:00

I wish,
That you were here.
But you're not.
I miss.
But i can't.
I hope.
But in vain.
I search,
And i found.
That you're gone.
Long ago.

read that from some random place. how apt.

where there seems to be no way

2010-02-16T23:29:00.006+08:00

revival.

today marks the start of a new beginning. in every book, there are many chapters. it's time to unfold yet another one of my life. army life has been effectively pressurizing but i'm trying to absorb as much as i can these few weeks, trying to get used to the environment. i would do to my best ability and learn from every mistake i make. i'm grateful for the help i've been receiving from the people around me to cope with my work. thank you!

many lessons learnt over the past few weeks have made me a stronger person and i hope that i'll continue to persevere in achieving my goals this time. note to self that i should stop the old ways of doing things. -quote- the more you try, the harder it gets -close quote- john. LOL nonetheless, God will make a way where there seems to be no way. it's a pretty old song but it's really meaningful (:

Proverbs 3:6
In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

now that you're gone. another has just left. today marks day 1 ): time to study hard and i'll promise you the results when you get back!

i cant study!

2008-06-10T17:02:00.002+08:00

almost 3 wks of the hols are gone. i wonder how is everyone doing? im totally dead for this mid years. i dont think i can cover the syllabus tested in time unless i study 22hrs a day(1hr slp 1hr bathe/eat). lol crazy impossible. argh and i cant set my mind upon studying hard. oh well been distracted alot ): i wish my hse has no tv and com for this mth. lol if only i can cast them away and have them back after my mid years. i think this is the first june hols i didnt go to genting or smth. lol frequent there every year and it's boring =/

hmm june 7th 2008 (678) was a great day ! totally random. i wish time could come to a standstill that noon. hmm like amidst the rain and all. happy happy happy. lol but it wont cos this world aint some fairytale.

sigh gonna go back to my notes. i'm dying alr. i wish someone can insert some chip in my brain with all the knowledge i need for this upcoming mid years. oh well. have some motivational quote from SOMEONE to spur everyone on to study - believing is the first step in achieving. The distance is shortened by hardwork. (:
work hard all!

yea glen, i believe you and your friends can do it!

so with everything i am, i reach out for Your hands~
cool you.

myanmar cyclone china quakes. cousin rocks!

2008-05-27T22:59:00.003+08:00

i think it's been more than a mth since i last blogged. oh well many things happened in life. but everything just went by so quickly that we hardly have the time to take note of every single event of the day. im trying to cherish what i have before i lose track of everything around me. somethings just went by without us feeling anything. i'm sorry for what's lost but i hope we could appreciate what's gained.

i picked up a book from my bro's room a few days back. it's an autographed book. lol i dont know where he got it. it's entitled 'happiness in a nutshell'. we are often too attached to some things that when we do not notice the other things around us. it taught us how to embrace change. but since change is so prevalent, why are we still clinging on to values, why are we still rooting on to traditions. we arent letting go of anything. we are living in our comfort zones. people are still stuck with their habits. what's changing? nothing. hahaha idk i just felt kinda weird lately. haha sigh i think the superficial side of everyone changes constantly but the core remains. hmm friends come and go. good friends stay a while longer. in the end we are still alone fighting the world.

on another note, i sympathise with those people in myanmar and china. the constant occurrence of natural disasters has led me to some kind of thinking. like what would earth be if we dont inhabit it. recently, i was introduced to a book called "the world without us". i havent finish reading it but i think it's about what the world will be if humans dont exist or smth. it's kinda interesting i would say. how the author manage to narate his pov. lol anw back to the pt about the quakes. sigh i think china has seriously opened up alot. they are welcoming aid from all over the place and they were quick to react when the quake happened. to date, i think there's 3 quakes ard si chuan area. oh well i'm kinda glad and fortunate to be living in sg (: hahah and i think friends out there agree :D sigh as for myanmar i dont know. i dont understand why the govt are blocking all aids when cyclone nargis hit them. argh they are kind of obstinate? it's totally in contrast with china. hmm are the govt afraid of foreign infiltration or some breach of security? oh well idk what are on their minds. all i could do now is to pray for them and hope that things are fine over at myanmar. sigh ppl are suffering and i cant do anything about it. i wish i can fly and help but there's As this yr and my parents will definitely not allow even if there's no As. hahahaha oh well.

hmm as for my studies. im totally screwed. i think i kinda flunk my gp paper quite badly. didnt finish both papers despite the fact that i have quite alot of content in mind to write about. sigh i have bad time management. oh well as for econs, the lack of time has killed me as well. i spent 1hr on the first qn. leaving only 30mins for the second. argh and i have so much to write for second qn as well. oh well i think i've let myself down for econs. cos i think i prepared quite sufficiently for it and the qns are very do-able ): now for the 4 core subjects. tsk one hols of preparation. i wish i was given more time. or if i could turn back time, i will study hard since the start of my j1 year and be a mugger. hahah kind of regret not doing so. but regrets will end up in more regrets. so i shall just seize all the time i have left. and finish my As without regrets.

oh ya been attending some concerts and stuffs in april and may. ajidol was great. i think the vocalist for the solo category were all pros. haha as for band cat, i was a little disappointed but oh well. it's a great event. and aj co concert was quite normal (maybe i cant totally appreciate co music) and their conductor was totally l-o-l he's very emotional and his actions seems quite exaggerated but i think that made the concert much more interesting. anw great performance by liping and wc. (: then we had ajchoir concert. it was totally a hit. hahah i was late for this concert somehow. lol but it's nice as in the second part. cos it became more of a musical (: great performance by carol, samuel, zk, lawson. haha

oh oh oh one more thing before i forget - i think i have the best cousin in the world : D during college day, i left halfway for some campaign at clementi. was supposed to give out rice bags and stuffs to those ppl in need. but idk when it ended and everyone was in their cliques, i cant find any. lol so my cousin accompanied me (: then when she was offered for a ride to some place for an ice cream treat, she turned it down so that i wont be alone. =/ hmm so nice right? hahah and she practically accompanied me til my service ended at ard 9.30pm it was a happy day : D because everything was well. then the nxt day was ajchoir concert, she agreed to attend the concert even though she was really busy that day. with violin lesson and beach outing with her cell grp. hmm and she told me she will try to look presentable for the concert cos she has to go beach. LOL but turned out she was well dressed? at least i think she is. hahah yeaps and she accompanied me for thewhole concert even though she thinks that ac choir is still better than aj's. hahah =/ hmm the pt is my cousin is nice nice nice nice nice nice!

alrighto i feel like this entry is all about how i feel and my pov in stuffs. hahah i suddenly miss sch alot alot . idk why but it's kinda weird. hahah happy hols everyone!
(ps. i updated as said. hah )

heartbowling

2008-04-29T21:02:00.002+08:00

i picked up my phone. thought of some number to dial and i put it back down. i realised there's no one to talk to about everything anymore. ): oh well but at least i can blog i supposed. things have been changing all the time.

i wish i can turn back time. just rewind 2 days will be sufficient.

i ended my bowling career on a low.
here are the stats:
highest game - 185
lowest game - 104
average of 18 games - 141.3

i didnt hit my expected average or high game. i stumbled towards the end.
sigh sorry team and coach. i am to blame for my persistent thumb problem during the team event. thanks jason kz and nelson for being so optimistic and having so much faith in me.
i didnt want to fall at the final step. but in the end, i did. literally fell even when my thumb hole got stuck. hah flew into the lanes for the first time. sigh

i think this is the third incident in which im a let-down.

overall we managed to improve by 1 position to 12th since last yr. sigh we could have done much better. nonetheless, great job team! really enjoyed the ajbowling spirit. i'll put up pics nxt time !

i bowled my best as promised. but my best is just not good enough.
at least yknw i bowled hard. til my thumb kinda rotted/spoiled.
the heart was there through it all.

last few days.

2008-04-27T19:46:00.003+08:00

last two days of comp starts tmr ! i'm so gonna give my best.

average 170
high game 200

to make or to break. top 50 positions here i come! lol k gtg teach my bro guitar! he says he has to learn it for cip. so weird. haha take care everyone!

pray not only when things falter but also when we rejoice.
sometimes a moment of anger/frustration can change a person.

grace?

2008-04-27T00:42:00.002+08:00

Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed but alive in Your hands.

praise the Lord, praise the Lord, praise the Lord!
what changed? God's love for us has never change.

a tired day?

2008-04-24T20:38:00.003+08:00

finally. i managed to break the duck and hit 202 at the competition venue. too bad it's just a trng. sighh hope i can repeat this feat during monday/tuesday team event.

the singles ranking was out. im only 79/160
doubles ranking just came out tday and im 46/80

sigh i must break into top 50 overall by the end of the whole tournament.

I love You more than life
I love You more than life
Fall back on everything You've done
Fall back on everlasting arms
When all the world is swept away
You are all the things I need
You're the air I breathe

like i promised. i will bowl hard.
i give it my all.
there's is only one way which i could be happy? and yknw it.
life is great!

bowling day 2

2008-04-23T23:14:00.002+08:00

day 2 of tournament was less disappointing. however my targets were not met ): sighh inconsistency is killing my game. i officially hate splits. LOL

high game : 178
average of 6 games : 150

nxt game : monday! come support everyone. lol

sighh this time i better hit 160 average at the very least. my tournament is coming to an end.

oh well. im still not good enough. for anything.

you'll never get it.
"you'll get used to it"
what was meant to be?

bowling day 1

2008-04-21T19:08:00.003+08:00

day 1 of the tournament was like a roller coaster ride? my games went up and went down. sigh i realised im seriously inconsistent.

high game 185
average of 6 games 145

i guess i'll never be good enough. for everything.

next game - wed !
aim : high-game 200, average 160

i almost lost your heart in a dustbin ):
gone but found agn. what does it mean?

sigh

2008-04-20T21:24:00.002+08:00

can we go back to the past?

yes.

what i want or need aint impt anymore. what's impt is that things are well for everyone else.
un-selfish me. i lost the old glen. : D

what lasts forever?

2008-04-18T23:55:00.005+08:00

I still hear your voice when you sleep next to me
I still feel your touch in my dreams
Forgive me, my weakness, but I don't know why
Without you it's hard to survive

'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling
And everytime we kiss, I swear I could fly
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last
Need you by my side

'Cause everytime we touch, I feel the static
And everytime we kiss, I reach for the sky
Can't you hear my heart beat so,I can't let you go
Want you in my life

Your arms are my castle, your heart is my sky
They wipe away tears that I cry
The good and the bad times, we've been through them all
You make me rise when I fall

'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling
And everytime we kiss, I swear I could fly
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last
Need you by my side

'Cause everytime we touch, I feel the static
And everytime we kiss, I reach for the sky
Can't you hear my heart beat so,I can't let you go
Want you in my life

'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling
And everytime we kiss, I swear I could fly
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last
Need you by my side

sigh idk why this song seems apt now. lol just felt like blogging agn. random! btw cheer up ppl! take the chill pills or the happy pills and things will be fine. (: the world may seem to be falling apart, where sadness is common among us. but dont give up!

when nothings seems right, turn to God.
if someday comes. when you need/want/love me more than you need/want/love bacon(yknw. hah), come talk to me agn.
1mth. 6mths. 1year. i'll be waiting here.
til then, i'll disappear =/

to the ends of the earth!

kiss

2008-04-18T18:05:00.006+08:00

alright! i shall do what the sms says. gonna study hard, bowl hard and take care at the meantime. bowling comp up next monday! hope i wont let the team down or anything. hahah (: sighh. if that's what you wanted and makes you happy.

you gave away something so special that means so much to me.
the k... only yknw.
get well soon! what i feel aint impt to you anymore. yea it shouldnt now i guess. i knw.

oh well?

2008-04-17T20:48:00.002+08:00

i've been kinda busy lately. and i know MOST of you will understand right? hahah anw it's friendship week! i really treasure all the friendships i made and still have. lol idk what am i saying. love my friends, good friends, great friends, fair-weather friends, used-to-be friends and many more! hah (: k shall update agn when im free! meanwhile everyone, take care and God bless!

btw smth random. i lost 6kg over the last wk? sigh it's good and bad.

glad to knw that you're happy now. running away with him.
being used to my un-omnipresence? haha.
you are. you may. you will.

i will be here alone with my feelings numb. someday? the notebook, continue to update?

keep the heart warm, keep it by your side.

2008-04-09T23:49:00.001+08:00

i lost it all. you ended it.

when everything falls

2008-04-09T21:45:00.005+08:00

i havent been blogging since feb. oh well that's quite long eh. i see some dust over my blog alr. i guess no one visits it anymore? sigh things werent exactly going well in my life? why must things change. cant we go back to before agn? my heart wrenches each time i think about this. this feelin just cant go away no matter how hard i try to distract myself with CCA and stuffs. i can take it no more.. the time seems to pass by so slowly. the check of my hp gets regular. as though im awaiting for something to happen. haha im like fighting with every second of my life, fighting away the emotions that are affecting me. is it as complicated as it appears to be?

each mention of his name affects my mood. each lies uncovered breaks my heart. however truths are all that i want. sigh what else are you still hiding from me? can you tell me please? i wonder the thought of me ever crosses your mind anymore. anw im sorry for mentioning it here. but i dont tink anyone will read it anw. haha

alright now for my life. not my emotions and stuffs. hmm my life has been hectic? which resulted in that incident happening? haha but oh well i gave up some commitments cos of that incident and i dont regret it. however yea table tennis nationals. im glad we made it to the top 6. however things changed and our draw werent that good so we ended up last in the group of 3. haha sigh we could have done much better as a team. im sorry for all the mistakes i made. i must admit it got some things to do with my emotions. but yea i didnt train hard enough to play well ): sorry team. i enjoyed every trng spent with you ppl though. and thanks
bowling ppl for understanding that i cant go for cca due to nationals. lol here is the pic :

AJ TEAM!

hmm i want to thank the following ppl for making my table tennis career in aj so wonderful :-

0) ben - my bestest pal who just came to cca recently. he went for cca just to play with me. im so touched for all the sessions he attended. cos i really enjoyed playing with him! all the jokes we share and stuffs. continue to rock on!

1) zhanyuan - vice capt. you're like my bestest pal in table tennis. haha you played well during nationals and we always dream big and want to go against the odds. we know it's possible (: thanks for everything.

2) weihao - capt. thanks for always giving encouragement during trng and matches. you make the team bonded all the time. coming up with activities. hahah anw it's nice playing with you, tuition mate!

3) hongjie - you always nv fail to make the team laugh with your innocence. thanks. good pal.

4) chuan de - doubles partner. haha you always accomodate my mistakes? like playing alongside with you. too bad i didnt play well during the last match against nj

5) zhou yang - you are the most hardworking member i've ever seen in the team. always tryin to improve yourself. good job friend!

6) dong xing - you always have the winning mentality. always trying to win the point earnestly.

7) yu kang - you sicko j1. hahah it's nice playing with you. you are always so stable during match. anw stop polluting hongjie's mind la. lol

8) yan xiang - another sicko j1. you played uber well in all the matches. well done! hahah dont know why the j1 guys are so sick.

9) sheng mao - thanks for your advice and stuffs. happy playing with you during trng. hah

10) jazzy and jessica - always helping the guys out and playing with us. thanks!

11) vivian and j1 gals - sorry i dont know all the names. btw thanks for all the support!

yea that's all. it's a wonder team. love the players. we've come thus far. and i will rmb this last journey in my table tennis career with you ppl (:

i wish you would give me a chance agn. so just come and we'll make it better than it was.

from the inside out

2008-02-03T14:18:00.000+08:00

this few days havent been exactly well. esp ytd! i spent much time reflecting. and alas, my tears couldnt fight back ytd night. haha thanks to those who heard me out and console me in one way or another. i dont know. i think im prolly too stressed up and when my dad flared at me, i just gave way. lol

i shall not comment on what happened because it's over. lately i've been returning home late like 9.30pm on average? but it aint my fault right? i have like 2 ccas at hand and many activities to take care of. sigh hope that competitions quickly come and go so that i can have more time at home. my parents blamed the fact of miscommunication that led to the 'cold war'. i think it's not. they asked me to put myself in their shoes as they would like to put themselves in mine. i wonder. they always say i have a narrow perception and could not see the bigger picture. hmm i wonder who's the one.

there they say that they are not bothered bout my academics as much as my character development. how true. when they learnt thati return home late everyday due to cca or activities. they say im neglecting my studies. -.= right when did i ever neglect my studies. i mean which A lvl student wanna flunk when they sit for the exams. everyone will put in their 101% for the BIG exam at the end of the year, including glen here. rawr they keep saying they are more concerned over the fact that i have my values than doing well in my studies. but why are they here, calling me in the midst of my external trng and lecturing me. asking if i know what it means to neglect my studies. like HELLO! who's the one that told me to have a balance between my cca and my studies? sigh i wish my parents were more understanding. they arent unreasonable but oh well.

i think they see academic success a mark higher than character development. which means i should put aside all my ccas and start mugging right? argh so dumb. i didnt exactly have a social life lately. i cant rmb when was the last time i went out with my friends. hah it seems quite long ago. =/ i wish i had more time to do everything. alright enough of that. i shall now talk about the sermon tday. you people may find it rather dry and lengthy. but i personally felt that it was a direct and thought-provoking sermon from Ps Bob. hah

As every hsehold are busy doing their spring cleaning in lieu of the upcoming cny, Ps Bob decided to bring out the topic on spiritual spring cleaning. Everyone is not free from the evils of Sex, Greed, Violence and Deception. These are the four major sins in all of us. i believe everyone is at least guilty of one of them. hah the ONLY way to deal with them is to put them to DEATH. they must be dealt with a DEATH BLOW. rawr but how are we to break free? ascetism is not the way to go about doing it. we have to set our minds and hearts above all those evils ;D

Alright, i shall go deeper into the spiritual health check. firstly, sex [ref Matthew 5:28-29, NLT]. it does not necessarily mean that one has to go through sexual immorality to be guilty of this evil. by looking at someone lustfully, we are alr guilty of adultery as mentioned in that reference. hah oh well. and guess what? the only way to solve this is to gouge out our eyes. this is so because " it is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown in hell ". hmm i think that if those who are guilty were to gouge out their eyes. more than half the world would have gone blind. ha!

the second evil we should be rid of is greed [ref Matthew 6:24, NLT] true enough, as the saying goes " money is the root of all evil " hah we cannot love material wants and God at the same time. in this society, everyone wants progress. to progress means we have to buy new stuffs. we go after material wants which is part of greed! i would say im guilty of this evil because i wanted new shoes new guitar and stuffs. haha oh well everyone is greedy in one way or another. some may want a bf/gf because others have one. that's greed. some may want a new lcd tv, camera, hp or ipod, that's greed. and needless to say, those who steal are guilty of being greedy. hah this evil is hard to be rid of. but qian li zhi xing, shi yu zu xia (:

the third evil is violence [ref Matthew 5:22, NLT] ! haha violence is not exclusively only abuse. it also includes rage and using filthy language. i feel that this is v relevant to what happened ytd. my dad blew his top at me. he is guilty. whereas i decided not to talk to him and intiated a "cold war". im guilty as well. more often than not, youths are happy in the company of their friends but when they return home, it becomes a war zone for them. friends > family? isnt tat in contradictory with the saying 'blood is thicker than water'? hahah many of us arent guilty of the literal meaning of violence. however, people are angry easily and some are subjected to using abusive words on others. haha therefore, we should try not to have a short fuse. instead, be more tolerant with the people ard us :D try to understand the situation before getting angry!

the last evil would be deception [ Matthew 5:37, NLT]. yea they usually say the experts of deception can tell a lie without battling an eyelid. hahah i guess it's true to a certain extent? hmm deception naturally means lying. which reminds me of one of AJ's revised school values - integrity. some issues were brought out during the mass civics in sch. students are actually photoshopping their mcs and forging signatures of their parents. oh well i sort of share the same view as the principal? these small actions could turn into a habit and the habit will only bring trouble. hah let our YES be a YES and our NO be a NO. yeaps :D

alright. im feeling emo. haha yes! we should rid ourselves of those evils (apotithemi) let's break free from all of these EVILS (: right, now i shall share a lyrics of two songs which i find quite meaningful. haha

-------------------------
Break Free

Would you believe me, would you listen if I told you that
There is a love that makes a way and never holds you back?

So won't you break free, won't you break free
Get up and dance in his love
So won't you break free, won't you break free
Get up and dance in His love

Who would have thought that God would give His one and only Son
Taking a stand up on the cross to show his perfect love?

So won't you break free, won't you break free
Get up and dance in his love
Won't you break free, won't you break free
Get up and dance in His love
His love never ending

There's no escaping the truth
There's no mistaking it's You
God forever we'll
Get up and dance, get up and dance, and praise You
There's no escaping your life
There's no mistaking your love
Across the world we will
Get up and dance, get up and dance and praise You

Now is the time to take His grace and that has come our way
Offer our lives to see the glory of His name

So won't you break free, won't you break free
Get up and dance in his love
So won't you break free, won't you break free
Get up and dance in his love
His love never ending

(the rest of the song is quite repetitive. hah let's break freee!)

From the Inside Out

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out
-------------------------

oh well end of entry. it's so lengthy. haha im sure many of you didnt read til the end. but it's okay :D just my random ranting. hah shall update soon!

You alone are good

friends

2008-01-28T22:10:00.000+08:00

the past wk has been hectic but glen survived! oh well i dont know. i feel fortunate & decided to be happy with what im going through now because there people out there who are worse than me? idk i should be glad D: anw after reading hq's entry on friends, i've decided to talk about friends in tis entry too..

what exactly are friends? what is the criteria of being a friend? hahah to each their own.

friend (frěnd) Pronunciation Key n.
1) A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
2) A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
3) A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
4) One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement: friends of the clean air movement.

this is a simple definition quoted from dictionary.com

im not feeling emo or whatsoever. i just think that friendship cant be bought with material stuffs. friendship should not be prying on a person 24/7. sigh friendship is a bond of trust and will stay by your side through emotional difficulties.
i know you are reading this. thanks for being my friend but i just want you to know that it feels weird when you treat me too nicely. sorry ): im not being unappreciative but it's just weird. D:

to another friend out there, life is good. dont foad. though your classmates may be sucky and stuffs, dont be bothered by it. cos you have a great clique and those are your true friends. dont worry so much ;D

lol such a brief talk about friends. anw i'll end off by saying smth. true friends are like four-leave clovers; hard to find but good to have (:

i dont know anymore

2008-01-17T22:55:00.000+08:00

when it all falls apart, i stood still not knowing what to do. it seems like the emo hours are back. i'm so tired everyday that i have little time for random stuffs. i should start to utilise my time! must catch up with sch work. this year is gonna pass so quickly, i could hardly catch my breath. no time for slacking, no time for leisure. i must start getting used to the cca/hw/revision/slp routine. i dont want to regret in the near future because i got distracted by one thing or another now. must focus! :D so many competitions coming up. hope to achieve something big tis year. time to be serious glen!

matters of the heart must be put aside. rawr.

my birthday is coming. so is total defence day. k no link. ):

lstd1

2008-01-09T22:34:00.000+08:00

sigh. somehow i feel rather empty. i dont know my directions and i dont know how to achieve my As at the end of the year. i keep telling myself time is running out but im not doing anything to improve the situation. i think i wont be achieving much tis year. it's so L. anw life hasnt been good. idk why. however, i've been keeping to my resolution. havent skip any lectures thus far and many more. #1/3/8/10 has been achieved til date but it's too early to say tat i can keep to all my resolutions. lstd. shall blog again soon :D

empty

2008-01-04T18:25:00.000+08:00

Tried to take a picture
Of love
Didn't think I'd miss her
That much
I want to fill this new frame
But its empty

Tried to write a letter
In ink
Its been getting better
I think
I got a piece of paper
But its empty Its empty

Maybe we're trying
Trying too hard
Maybe we're torn apart
Maybe the timing
Is beating our hearts
We're empty

And I've even wondered
If we
Should be getting under
These sheets
We could lie in this bed
But its empty Its empty

Maybe we're trying
Trying too hard
Maybe we're torn apart
Maybe the timing
Is beating our hearts
We're empty

Maybe we're trying
Trying too hard
Maybe we're torn apart
Maybe the timing
Is beating our hearts
We're empty

We're empty We're empty

nice song (:

past christmas stuffs 07

2008-01-01T22:07:00.000+08:00

oh yea i forgot to add thanks to people for their christmas presents/greetings;

pearleeeeeen - card and coaster :D
kahhwee - card :D
nelson - lpool jersey! cushion and card :D
gerald - m&m bottle :D
nat - candy cane :D
sheralyn - card :D
yvonne - socks (christmas xchange) :D
serene - waterbottle (christmas xchange) and card :D
hui qi - card :D

and the numerous christmas greetings from everyone!

haha okay this post is v late. school's starting tmr. im foad-ing. time table sorta sucks. haha but im trying to accept it with a cheery mood - resoln #4 (: okay will update again soon i guess. haha bye people! have fun in sch tmr!

2008

2007-12-31T22:35:00.000+08:00

ah. i see the layer of dust on my blog alr. i guess i havent been updating frequently. ): sad to say, my holiday wasnt well spent either. i wasted much of my time on CCAs and computer(not on blogging though). i know it's tough handling both CCAs and i've been skipping one or another to make time for myself. however, the CCAs are ending soon; with table tennis comp in feb/mar and bowling in may. hopefully i will be able to cope with CCA and my studies well nxt yr. i had a tough time handling my time this yr and would not like to repeat it nxt yr! haha

i look forward to year 2008. when i look back, i think i've learnt alot in 2007. there were moments of jubilance, as well as phases of sorrow. i would not say that i led an uneventful year but i think it could have been more exciting! the first quarter of the year was excellent. i had a taste of what jc life is all about. actually it was the first time i got to skip lessons on purpose. haha in secondary sch, the timetable was well sorted out such that ure stuck in the classroom. in jc, we are mobile - we move from one classroom to another for lessons. i think i still prefer the secondary sch style. haha anw when i was in SA, i really enjoyed myself. those memories are still etched in my mind. we skip lectures at times to slack at the cafe or outside SC. the usual hideout after tutorials was the SC where we play games or sleep. i enjoyed every moment i spent in the sch. it gave me a sense of purpose in going to sch. lol guess im still having a slight tinge of regret not staying in SA. oh well, what's done cant be undone. anw AJ is a good place too! (: miss the SA ppl and the cafe food. random. hmm i miss 07s22 - natalie, huiqi, zhengjie, liphin, serene, huang hua, samuel, christopher, cherwaye, mew, loan, adinda, huiling, tianruo, sarah, brandon, yingneng, ryan(zhihan lol). i think that's all. hope i didnt miss anyone out. if i did, pls tell me :D

moving on to AJ, i think it sets a good environment for studying but i didnt take it seriously? i still continue to skip a few lectures. tsk i will try to attend all lectures nxt yr (: lol try is the keyword. anw i like my class too! they are always there for one another. i love the bonds in our class. even though there are major cliques in our class, i know everyone still care for each other :D there is bound to be a barriers along the way but it serves as stepping stones for us to know one another better. yeaps let's work hard and score nxt year!

sometimes i think the world is transforming too rapidly. maybe we should just stop in our tracks and look at things around us. we often forgone many opportunities, only to regret it in later stages of our lives. i came across this saying by john whittier, "Of all the words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these - it might have been". thought it was somewhat meaningful. im not emo or whatsoever but i tink more often than not, we tell ourselves "aiya, i could have done better if..." or "sian, it should have been ... if not for .." yea, the pace of life is too fast for us to stop and think lucidly. haha sigh therefore, one of my new year resolution is to be contented with whatever situation im in, without telling myself " it might have been better if.." (:

ok time for a summary of year 2007.. hmm there are many things which are noteworthy but i'll just name some;-
1) songwriting comp - i think it was great working with hq, kn and sher for this. tiring yet fun! i think all the hardwork was paid off on the night of the finals. (:
2) trip to vietnam - haha i think crossing the road there is a skill. the seafood there is cheap. lol took gazillion pics of vietnam.
3) sasi outings - they are always fun fun fun! despite being always 4 seldom 5 and nv 6, we always have a good time together.
4) fri night bball with ben, tuest, xk, martin, john, wj, gerald, sz. cant stop laughing cos some of them are v entertaining. lol.
5) bowling comp/interhouse comp. the only 2 comps which i won smth from this yr.

i know there are many more but i cant think of any now. lol anw all the stayovers were fun. \m/ hahah now for the new yr resolutions!
resolutions 2008;
1) attend church on a regular basis. no more excuses of waking up late!! dont backslide!
2) study hard for A lvls. no more slacking and leave mugging til last min.
3) stop using the com so regularly. more blogging less msning/gaming.
4) love life the way it is. no matter how sucky life is, take it in a cheery mood.
5) learn new guitar songs. stop playing the same old songs everytime :D
6) improve on my table tennis skills. join more public comp.
7) bowling hi-score of 200. be consistent ard 160
8) spend less money. lol i dont know how.
9) make mugging sessions real mugging sessions. not go out mug, end up playing ;P
10) attend all lectures in 2008
11) know you better!understand you more

yea that's all folks. i shall update again soon!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE :D
WELCOME 2008!

long update

2007-12-04T16:01:00.000+08:00

it has been a long time since i updated! so many things have happened since my last update. hah i had a 1 day job at bishan park. introduced by tessa and friends. hmm it was fun! quite tiring though. hah and i forgot to bring an extra shirt to change. almost cant collect my pay and go home that night. lucky cheryl was kind and lent me a shirt..

then i had a class chalet on the 26th nov. it was a day of fun and more fun. wanchin kevin and i reached pasir ris early. then we went to white sands ntuc to get the food and stuffs. keng huang and ceph joined us later to help us carry the stuffs. then we head down to pasir ris costa sands for chalet. gerald helped us get the room and we started playing cards. haha so many of us were sick so they cancelled the bbq -.= hah i think like half of us were sick even before the chalet. rawr then we played heart attack and indian poker. hah the loser must do forfeit. lol poor kevin had to do twice and nelson kena once. they were so sporting when they did the forfeits! hahah on the second day i left early to queue for donuts at donut factory with sasi. guess what? im the first to arrive. i think i havent been the first to reach for a long time. hah then sasi had a stayover at my place :D ok i shall let the pictures do the talking about our stayover..

btw quote from nat : sasi is always four, seldom five and never six
haha it's so true. you can tell from the pictures ;D

the queue was gone in like 5minutes. shouldnt have went to queue so early.

our donuts. we bought 30 donuts (: assorted flavours. looks yummy? lol bet ure drooling now.

coffee toast at city link. haha that was our brunch? we didnt eat our breakfast at home as we have to rush to queue for our donuts.

taking pictures with the christmas tree. sasi plans to take pictures with all the BIG christmas trees in singapore (:

lol we decided to pose with our donuts before devouring/microwaving them.

nat and hq posing for a pic with their lips covered with choc. they are having double choc donuts btw. scary.

zj: help me, im bleeding. hah so L. it's just the dark choc from the double choc donut. (:

our eyes were glued to the lappy cos we're watching HEROES. lol nat brought her ipod filled with heroes vids. however i fell asleep on the second/third episode cos i was uber tired from the chalet.

nat being in garfield disguise. hah i think she's gonna give the garfield face when she sees this. l-o-l

guess who is sleeping behind the garfield? btw the garfield looks cosy at the corner.

serene and nat playing in the pool. CHILDREN'S pool. hahah guess they are still kids. nat turned 17 on 1/12

pre bbq pictures. we were bored and it was raining when we bbq.

our special candlelight bbq. hahahah! it was raining and we were bbqing under BIG umbrellas. so fun (:

hah the girls are pigging out while the guys took a break after bbqing for so long.

exotic stuffs from overseas (: on the left side, it is a black african corn flown in by JETstar. on the right side, it is a flower from california for nat!

haha i love this picture the most (: lol think they are trying to do the 'L-O-V-E' thing. so L! haha

i shall end off with the quote i used above. as you can see, we're always four, seldom five and never six (: anw bet lp is having fun in msia. rawr!

sigh i guess my coffee is getting cold. heh? mixed emotions. rawr!

entry

2007-11-25T23:49:00.000+08:00

lol foad. this en

move on glen! promos suck

2007-10-25T22:01:00.000+08:00

im back! taking a break from pw/chi. i tink i can hardly breathe. sigh my promos results suck. i already had this inkling that i'll do badly after i did my chem paper. i guess i prepared a little too late for my exams. im regretting now. but what's done cannot be undone yea? i wonder if i had started earlier, will i do better for my promos? btw my results are as follows - PCME 4h2s SSDU respectively, CLh1 A, GPh1 B. sigh if only i can exchange my h1 grades for my h2s. right now im only advanced not promoted. and i have to drop a subject. in a dilemma now. chem phy or econs? dont tink i will use any of those 3 anw. haha maths is the most impt for me! ok nvm some advice from you ppl pls? hahah

chinese exams are up next on monday, 29th oct. ahhh if i dont get an A for it, shoot me in the head. just kidding. lol i dont want to retake my exam -.= die die must do well. i wonder what are my spa grades thus far. haha if im not doing well for either sci, i might as well downgrade tat sci to h1 =/ sigh the ultimate aim is A's. i dont know why we have to slog our guts out every single day. is this what jc life is all about? pw. sigh i have so much to work on for my op. i wan to make it flawless. but i nd to practise practise practise. dont wanna screw any subjects for A's. if studying hard now can make my life easier in the future, i dont mind working hard now. sigh im always all talk but little actions. i nd to change. i need to move on. glen, you have to wake up! sigh

ok aside from studies, i shall talk bout random stuffs. to think of it, i havent blog bout ge yao. lol nvm next time! arghx and oh yea my sandcastle building experience with my class! next time as well. after my op. rawr! right now, im in love with starbucks. lol here's a pic of it!

a random picture of a frap.

i dont know wad's so appealing bout it. haha i just love coffee! as in special coffee? heh ok no link. another random stuff is i tink the song 'my wish' by rascal flatts is nice! hahah sorta old. but i tink the lyrics are meaningful. anw here's a pic of my hp wallpaper. lol so random.

this song is good!

anw here's the lyrics of this song..

I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you want to go,
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,

But more than anything, more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And you always give more than you take.

But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

This is my wish
I hope you know somebody loves you
May all your dreams stay big.

sigh. i keep thinking about alot of stuffs when i listen to some old songs. which reminds me of certain people. hahah i miss rv days. rawr the life im leading now sucks. sigh i wanna go back to the beginning. this year is ending. it's the ending of one beginning and the beginning of another end. heh? 2 years of jc life is gonna be over before i know it. haha i better start on the right footing nxt year!
i know i wont regret til the very end
if one door opens to another door closed

when my dreams about you keep vanishing each day. i wonder if i'll get to dream bout you again tmr. will you rmb me the way i rmb you in the future? sigh. crap. a qn that will nv be answered. hahah move on glen!

break up song

2007-09-16T01:11:00.000+08:00

everything happens for a reason. i keep reminiscing bout the past and kept regretting bout stuffs. hah but yeaps everything happens for a reason. so i should stop thinking and move on. rawr have not been updating lately. cos i've been rather busy? hah excuses. just couldnt find the right time to blog! hmm promos are coming and im not being studious. lol i cant fail anymore! 2 weeks 4 h2s. must at the very least pass 3! hah

hmm i didnt update bout ge yao and many other more events. hah i'll update after promos i tink. when i upload the pics. rawr! i keep missing my previous classes. rawr pae and secondary sch. ): hmm still remember the time we went huang hua's hse to play slapjack and mahjong. hah so fun! let's do again during hols? idk i just miss those days. and i miss going jj's hse and will's hse. hah all those days. yea it's just too hard to watch it all slowly fade away..

life's ok now. hah at least in AJ. it's not exactly so stressful but the workload is whoa. hah can say 26 is more bonded now? and i believe it'll be more bonded after promos. with the sandcastle building thing the sch has planned for every classes! it'll be a great time under the sun. hahah

anw i havent watch finish hsm2 but im in love with some of their songs alr! hah 'gotta go my own way' emo break up song. haha it goes like tat :

sigh
troy
sigh
listen
i gotta say whats on my mind
something abt us doesnt seem right these days
life keeps getting in the way
whenever we try somehow the plan is always rearranged
its so hard to say
but i gotta do whats best for me
you'll be okay

ive got to move on and be who i am
i just dont belong here i hope u understand
we might find a place in this world someday
but at least for now i gotta go my own way

dont wanna leave it all behind
but i get my hopes up and watch them fall everytime
i know the colour turns to grey
and its just too hard to watch it all slowly fade away
im leaving today
coz i gotta do whats best for me
you'll be okay

ive got to move on and be who i am
i just dont belong here i hope u understand
we might find a place in this world someday
but at least for now i gotta go my own way

what about us?
what about everything we've been through?
what about trust?
you know i never wanted to hurt you
what about me?
what am i supposed to do?
i gotta leave but i'll miss you

ive got to move on and be who i am
(why do you have to go?)
i just dont belong here
i hope you understand
(i try to understand)
we might find a place in this world someday
but at least for now
(i want you to stay)
i gotta go my own way

yeaps smth like that. anw it's a nice song! everyone should hear it (: hmm so much for the break up song. hah anw here's something i find funny (although u may not think so) during one of the conversation i had online -;

a: thanks.
b: you're welcome
a: im not welcome. im nat

hahh so lame. guess everyone knows who is a now? =/ hah. oh well i shall log off now. bye people. good luck for promos everyone! oh yea happy 4th anniversary nat. lol

i got to move on and be who i am

what's wrong with me! hah emo yet smiling crazily at the com screen. like an idiot lol =/ rawr quick mug hard glen!

going insane

2007-08-05T21:13:00.000+08:00

i dont know why im updating now. when im supposed to be catching up with my hw.
life's bad, im turning e m o again. rawr what's wrong with me!

ytd was supposingly fun. we had SL (service learning) at MINDSville. my group was in charge of the finale item for the day. we sang peng you and guan huai fang shi. think it was quite messy but i think those 'residents' there enjoyed it in one way or another. yeaps going down again nxt wk to help out. hope it'll be more fun that ytd's =/ rawr. anw i spent $20+ on cab fare to hci -.= haha wad a joke. i went to hougang to practise the song item with brenda and samuel. then realised i have to hand in the cd for the songwriting comp to hci personally =/ rawr. so cabbed there and cabbed back to hougang to do SL at MINDSville.

on a lighter note, we've finally composed finish the song!
think it's not bad. because we're not exactly pro composers/lyricists.
great effort people! hah if we go through to finals, it'll be a bonus yea? (=
if our piece is not selected, at least we know we tried our best.
despite of our hectic sch life for the past 2 wks, we managed to squeeze some time out to meet up and compose the song.
the song title is <li kai>. it's about some gal leaving her boyfriend and realises how much he means to her.
but it's impossible to turn back anymore. she's now lonely. and it was supposed to be a emo song! hah
think i'll upload the song some other time (=

hope this upcoming wk will be better than the previous two.
hope we'll go to the finals!
hope i'll cheer up by the end of the wk
hope i can catch up with school work.

hahaha full of hopes. but doubt everything will come true anw. rawr think i wont be blogging frequently anymore )=

我失去了方向徘徊在没有你的地方

perhaps it was meant to be. me being alone. you are with someone now. hah yeaps there's nothing i can do. just have to move on. i should just start studying and stop thinking so much. pardon me for my emo-ness in wks to come. ;D

too tired to think

2007-08-01T22:38:00.000+08:00

if only time could come to a standstill.
or perhaps some time machine exists.
i wish i have 48 hours in a day.
yada yada yada wad nonsense am i blabbering.
ok gist of wad i just typed is : i need more TIME!
not the magazine that is. (bleh so lame)

and school aint fun anymore.
tutorials are much of a headache.
some people are getting on my nerves.
nelson it's not you, dont worry.
i dont like being pushed by some people.

on a lighter note,
the song we composed are almost done!
it's a little too rush
but we can do it yea?
i hope the end product will be like whoa.
something emo and cool. haha rawr

i just couldnt get your face outta my mind! arghx i guess im just a loser. rawr.
You are all i need.

07s22

2007-07-22T23:35:00.000+08:00

guess what.
today's 22th of july.
07s22
nat just reminded me.
miss those days )=

i need You

bad mood

2007-07-20T21:38:00.000+08:00

i dont know why. maybe people change. i will change someday too i guess.
some change for the better. some change for the worse.
although i hate the latter, but i know that's happening to some ppl ard me.
as disappointing as it seems, i'll move on.
tmr is bowling comp. hope to get another interhouse trophy.
even if we dont, im sure i'll enjoy my first bowling comp experience! haha (=
and i got a horrible progress report.
nd to do smth to my academics. i dont wan to be in 26/08! lol

although ice cream makes one fat. but it keeps one happy too!
less than three you.

stayover

2007-07-14T20:50:00.000+08:00

what's wrong. nvm. haha ytd was quite fun! rj jj will stef cj came to stayover. lol played tennis with jj and cj. then we went up to play cards and watch some show. haha it was fun i guess? especially the card game. lol first time play cards so violent. then we wanted to go lot1 to get a drink after tennis. wah so qiao met up with 4i gals. whole bunch of them. pc zx sher wl vv kn.. ehs did i miss out anyone? lol that's not the point. the point is the coincidence was really shocking? hahah unbelievable. then a few mins later we saw si xuan and cheryl. omg rv gathering. lol weird.

then tis morning steffi left first cos she nd go some enrichment thing. lol lucky it didnt rain again. hmm cj rj will jj me went to ljs for breakfast. whoa it's really fillling. hahah then erms i went to sch for interhouse competition. was uber uber late. those competitions started at 8.15 but i reached at 9.15. lucky table tennis was round robin. then yea i played with all of them at one go. so tiring la. lost my first two games against the vice cap and ex vice cap of ajtt. lol then won the nxt 4 games? something like that. forgot. the point is i got third for the table tennis comp! whoohoo. 3 cheers for cheetah hse! lol so enthu -.= anw the first two positions were taken by cougar house. rawr. then i rushed to the tennis court to participate in the tennis comp. hmm found a partner and we started the game rather quickly. hmm we led 5-1 courtesy of my pro partner. then lost some points til 5-4. but we finished the game off at 6-4 ;D wahaha hmm then yea i got second runners-up for tennis! lol yikes when am i gonna get some other colour. im tired of bronze. i hope to get silver nxt sat. wahaha bowling here i come! william team 1st. nelson's team 2nd! yea (= hope so.

what am i thinking? arghx this is so dumb. will it be temporary? rawr idk. imu?

emo again?

2007-07-12T21:08:00.000+08:00

i dont know what to blog about. so i shall just show you ppl some pics. anw, choku passed on. he went to save the world during live earth on 7/7/07. he's such a hero. lol bleh it was due to my carelessness that led to his death ))= anw, he was reborned that day. and became a girl! rawr. k that's all about my tmgc so far. now for the pics..

nong nong ago...

4i bbq! small turnout but it was fun! haha. and it was the day rj know which jc i come from -.=

william gang reunited! finally an outing with the full gang. it was alway 4/5 members in the past.

it's jiaying and nelson's birthday! woohoo. haha 5th and 6th july.

settlers day! first sat of the month. me cj anabel posing for pic. lol

william being cool. or is he?

some national day rehearsal. this pic was from cn. it was clearer than the one i took (=

island creamery! 26/07 visited there today. we didnt have maths tutorial so we decided to have a last min class outing. lol it was fun! (=

oops let's go back to the period after our common test. we had a class outing to ecp. on the friday of term3 wk1. cos we didnt have any papers that day. wahah small turnout again. but it was really really fun ;D

emo ppl. pls dont ttm (think too much). lol

the soccerball and our slippers!

i jump you jump?

let's all jump. ready, set, jump!

i'm going crazy. my sanity is gray. my results are bad bad bad. how am i going to get promoted? rj is like getting AABBB. tueston got 2nd for some sub. william got third. omg all so pro! haha it's either i start now or i'll nv get promoted in the end. wake up glen. in 1 yr's time u gonna take ur A's. -.= sigh. reminisce.

steamboat with 4i

2007-07-02T00:36:00.000+08:00

today is a happy day ;D
haha oh it's ytd since now is 2/7.
5 tmgcs have just entered the world.
they are choku, choko, choki, holey and hotty.
(=

rawr )=

2007-06-30T01:18:00.000+08:00

hmm exams are over. yay? haha had class outing this morning. it was rather fun? hahah though less than half the class attended it. lol but it was quite a successful one bah. haha we played dumb yet funny games. haha and we had an emo and a happy pic. shall upload the pics tmr or smth. after that went to town to find SASI yay. although it was 5/6, it was great. hahah when serene go, zj came. rawr. that's why it was not full attendance. we bought our tamagotchis. shhh haha im not supposed to tell my parents. they will kill me upon knowing that. hahah but we can only open on youth day. rawr our youth day presents. lol sasi rocks! ;D anw happy bdae joan & vivien! haha

'mayb' was just another word. all the best. bye.

haha i feel so tired lately. arghx not enough slp. im gonna do badly for my midyrs. i dont know how am i gonna tell my parents bout the results when i know them. hope i wont do as badly for some. nites all.

amid of the exams

2007-06-26T20:32:00.000+08:00

i dont know what im doing.
pretty screwed for my past 3 papers.
i've been very tired lately.
sleeping late not cos i'm busy studying.
rather it's my negligence in studies and chatting online.
stoning during exams.
thinking bout unrelated stuffs. wasting my exam time.
failing phy. maybe econs. hope not gp. confirm not chi listening compre.
lol i need to do well for maths and chinese paper. or not im seriously screwed.
good progress award, here i come for you!

found a reason. lost the reason. know my reason. i dont want that status.

rvtt

2007-06-24T16:04:00.000+08:00

haha just came back from rvtt camp 'o7. it's fun i guess. lol anw, shall just post some pics and vids before going off. picture paints a thousand words yea? ;P haha k my first video uploaded on youtube. wahahah advertising some products. check it out!

it's some farewell thing for the sec4s. haha put up by their juniors.

this is their song item number 1 i think.

song item number 2 - lian ai da ren. it's nice. i have tis vid too. haha

this skit damn funny too. but less hilarious than the video above. hmm it's about some idol(ai de=shortie) thingy

our juniors posing for pic? hahah

mr tan took a pic of us. we are 3 out of the 4 rvtt seniors who went for the farewell thing. jj was away for his piano lessons before joining us at 11pm. (:

k it's mugging time. haha kidding. did you enjoy the vid above? (:

which direction is my heart facing? i will go where my heart follows.

vietnam trip 07

2007-06-18T14:19:00.000+08:00

heys ppl! im back blogging after such a long time. bet you readers miss me! kidding. hmm where should i start from? ok i shall start from settlers. hmm it was fun playing all the games as a class. lol 4i forever! rawr. yea then after that we went to our usual hide-out to play cards as usual. hahah then we chatted and had dinner at ljs. it was a fun (: met some ppl i didnt see for a long long time. yeaa hope to have more 4i meetings soon. hahah after the mid yrs i guess.

the second event was.. hcband concert! it was nice! hahah the percussion ppl are darn cool. as in there were many pros and they played their instruments in various ways. haha french horn was nice too. actually every group was performing very well at the finale part. haha it was quite amusing :D it was a fun night.

i just had that tix. didnt take pics during the concert. =/

ok next was 26/07 outing! we met up at cck interchange ard 10? then we set off to cdans to bowl! nelson, gerald, zhong hao, jia ying, wan chin, desiree, yi lin, justin, cepheus, keng huang, zi bin and yan xian. haha whoa everyone in our class knows how to bowl. at least a little :D hmm yea everyone bowled well. haha i manage to get a turkey. whee. ok yea i guess everyone enjoyed the games at cdans? haha then we went to lot1 to have lunch at food junction. while waiting for vivien to arrive. so late la. lol k then we went to ntuc to do last min shopping for bbq stuffs. and we're ready to bbq! haha it was fun :D everyone played a part in making the bbq a success! hahah really enjoyed myself that night! to those who didnt make it that day, we will have another class outing after our midyrs yea? haha join us then! dont miss out the fun ;P

our bbq pic! the only group photo we took. it was really fun! wahaha

anw, those were events which are eons ago. lol now for the recent one - my trip to vietnam :D hahah my dad told me the purpose of that trip was to let me and my bro experience what it is like to be in a 'third-world' country. haha =/ but we ended up splurging on food and shopped alot! rawr. so yea it wasnt much of a third world experience. lol bought alot of stuffs and took alot of pics. i shall post some pics along with their captions yea. :D here goes..

these are pics of the streets in vietnam. hmm alot of motorcycles lo. haha their human population only 9million+. their motorcycle population 10million+ rawr anw that auntie selling fruits look angry cos i was taking pic of her then she was pissed bout that. she later told me that not allowed to take pics. lol! but i alr caught a pic of her. wahah (:

this was the restaurant i had my first meal at. d'liss. cos we were really hungry. the food was ex and not that nice though. hahah seafood was better! :D but the coconut was nice! hahah yea had loads of coconuts there.

this is the ben thanh market! they have the north south east west. the market was not that big actually. wahahah they have a variety of stuffs yea :D bought my souvenirs there. those dragonflies and stuffs. hahah didnt dare the try the food there cos it was quite scary =/

after that i went to the reunification palace. hahah it's all those history stuffs. they have president's room, vice pres room and even a room for gambling! so much so for being the higher authorities there. they stil gamble nonetheless. hahah

this is the cathedral. notre dame cathedral i think it's really big and looks very nice from the inside and outside.snapped a few pics while i was inside :D hahah

then i went here for dinner. quan anh ngon. as introduced by sher and family. haha the food was nice and it was really cosy there. wasted alot of food though. dont know how to finish that pile of vegetables they gave. haha it was my first time trying pho there! beef noodles vietnam style. haha and i had yellow cocktail. it was nice. plus a plate of rhum and raisin ice cream! (: yum yum.

day 3 i had a tour to mekong delta. very far from the district i was in. yea we took sampan as you can see in the bottom right pic. haha it was a great experience. the water was really dirty. haha we went to the upper river. reminds me of geog =/ visited a place called coconut island or smth. the tour guide told us the ppl there worshipped coconut -.= rawr haha. tried banana whisky there. quite nice. lol and bought some coconut candies. nice!

day 4 i had a tour to cu chi tunnel. it was really crazzy. hahah it's 250km long! they vietnamese ppl sorta hide there and fought their war there =/ it's cool to know the way they fought their war. damn nice. hahah we could get to try the different sorts of gun there. ak47 carbine and many more. but my bro and i were afraid of the recoil being too great. so we didnt -.= just watched ppl shooting away. lol the tunnel was difficult to crawl. my bro and i were smaller sizes than those caucasians,australians. and we are the few who completed it! woohoo. only 6/20+ ppl crawled through the 90m tunnel opened to public. =/

went to the war museum afterwards. the pics they had inside were too disgusting so i didnt post it. haha alot of gore. so i decided to post some pics of me and the planes they used to fight the vietnam war! hahah learnt what chemicals they used to make the bomb =/ haha saw some organic chem -.= hmm smth about agent orange dixon.

this is the stark difference from the prawns i ordered for dinner at a seafood restaurant. lol -.= day 5 was mostly spent on shopping. yea bought alot of stuffs. :D hmm then had some seafood. that restaurant suck.

these were the prawns i had at another restaurant. it's tamarind prawns. haha so much nicer! rawr. and this restaurant's soft shell crab was cheap and nice. haha i love eating seafood at vietnam! ahahah the seafood meal will total up not more than 25bucks sg. rawr cheap and good seafood (=

last but not least, happy belated birthday bro. whose bdae falled on 14th june. haha and a happy father's day to all fathers out there! (= think i shall stop here. haha my entry is so lengthy again. but i wont be blogging so soon again =/ until after mid yrs i tink. rawr. havent really start studying!

arghx it's such an emo day today. =/ kept reminiscing. arghx i missed my sec 4 days. hahah anw i saw someone who resembles you in vietnam. omg why do i keep seeing ppl that looks like you tis yr =/ haha rawr. nvm. anw i tink im so dead for mid yrs. should i have the aim of passing my subjects only? cos i really havent start studying properly. arghx someone motivate me pls. =/

tired. zz

2007-06-08T15:08:00.000+08:00

dont know why.idk! i just feel tired. hope i will be happier before the vietnam trip. haha it's gonna be fun i guess. away from all the stuffs tat are bothering me. 3 wks to mid yrs. sians half. hahah i havent even touch my hols hw. so dead la. k anw,
settlers was fun.
hc band concert was nice.
26/07 class outing/bbq was great.
shall blog bout them some other day bahs. when im more in the mood of blogging (= haha.
wo bu hui qi quan.

idk why when i see you, im reminded of someone i used to know. haha and i lost contact w tat person alr. rawr. no matter what, i must get myself in study mood soon. i shall set my sights further! mayb we'll meet again in the future. haha (:

words hurt.

2007-06-01T19:49:00.000+08:00

i feel like a total idiot now. rawr. just down down down.
im sorry guys.
idk why. maybe i should just shut my mouth.
and all shall be peaceful. from now.
sorry.

i will reflect.

i let 2 of my besties in aj down. such a sucker. one from my class, the other from another class. what's with the words i say man. i know you two may be pissed on two totally different occasion. sorry. i'll just shut up yea? even as i speak i'll rmb to process it with my brain. if i ever have any. sorry.

DELTA EXPERIENCE camp

2007-06-01T12:30:00.000+08:00

( disclaimer: it's a very long entry of my camp experience. hope it wont bore you ;P )

heys! im finally blogging again. haha anyone missed me? jk. was away for camp from 25th-30th may. and im gonna dedicate this whole entry for the camp. it's really fun, too bad i havent got any pics yet. i will upload them asap when my instructors send them to me yea? hahah it's really great la! okay here goes. let's take a step back to 25th may. which is friday.

25th (day 0) ;
haha it's the last day of sch! everyone was totally not excited about it. just looking forward to the bell that's gonna ring at 2.45pm in my case. haha chinese is my last lesson la. totally un-cool. haha 26'07 went library to borrow some chinese storybook to read over the hols. nd to write gan xiang. crap. after that tueston and i rushed to my house to get a shower and last min preparations for the camp. haha we went to buy stuffs at lot1 for the camp. we ate our lunch at foodcourt before proceeding to ntuc. hahah i bought 1.5litre bottle & tuest bought some choc. lol which was really nice. haha im gonna buy them nxt time. 60cents only. cheap and super nice. k then we're all ready to set off for camp in AJC. upon reaching the sch, we put our bagS down. then everyone looks enthu and we chatted among ourselves. suddenly the chief instructor, melvin asked us to go to our pumping positions. wadde. then we not stay there for like 15-20 min ley -.= wadde. to wait for the late comers. rawr. totally suck la. and the late comers stil stroll in like no one's business. oh well. after that we were given instructions to put our bags into our bunks. room 132. hahah it's a great bunk. you will know why later. k then after tat we assembled in the hall for some ice breaking activities. haha at tat pt of time i only know one person - zhen kai -.= lol but we are all really rather enthu? =/ k think nothing else is interesting tat day.

26th (day1) ;
group JUSTICE set out for Labrador Adventure Camp (LAC) to carry out some activities. our stay there didnt last long. only 3 days. lol we had managing relationships workshop which was totally crap. the so-called professional didnt even care la. haha he was teaching us like teaching to some blocks of wood. even as some of us fell asleep he continue ranting on about how to manage a relationship. it's more about people relations la. haha nvm then we had high elements. actually they are not very exciting to me? cos it's absailing and rock climbing for my group tat day. zhen kai, wen dong and i didnt do the absailing due to time constraint. but it's not like i wan to do anw. tried tat in sec3 and at LAC it looks shorter somehow =/ rock climbing was quite fun. haha we tried one with a slope at the top. slope out. feel like we're dropping kind. haha was surprised that quite a number of my class ppl completed tat activity. haha i didnt la )= dont have the strength to at the end part. didnt use my leg well to climb up. rawr. kept on using my arm. after which, we had our visions workshop. it's conducted by our fellow teachers/sch mates la. so much so for PROFESSIONALS. hahah k it's our first workshop so yea. everything we learnt was new. =D then we had our service learning workshop. JUSTICE was paired with group 4. forgot wad's their group name. ;P together, we were supposed to plan for our service learning proj which will be carried out on day 4. yea after tat it was lights out. hahah

27th (day 2) ;
it's pretty slack that day. everyone was dreading the 3 days ahead cos DE camp is pretty strict. altho it was nth compared to AB camp la. they cant even talk during meal times -.= rawr. hahah so we're considered lucky to have tat privilege? yea.. but for every mistake 1 individual make, everyone got to face the consequences. like many a times, 1 annoying person will not tuck in their shirt. then the whole group got to do 20 push ups. 2 ppl 40 push ups and so on. you do the maths. hahah yea so sucky. everytime always got 1-2 irresponsible camper. zz. day 2 we had our general stations. haha we kept on breaking record and setting record. cant stand it man. too enthu liao. lol first station was 'the wall'. we're the first group who try it. yea we completed the station very quickly. haha although we set to complete tat station within 15mins, we completed it in 3? yea dont we rock? haha after tat we challenged ourselves further for that station. there cant be any communication at all but we stil have to complete the station. so zhenkai and i went up first. then we pulled everyone up. it's called the wall cos we nd to climb over the wall which is apparently super high cos even some guys cant even jump to hang their hands before pulling themselves up. haha yea then we completed the no-communication task in 1:08min. hhaha and the record stil stand til the 5th day when the camp was over. hahah ownage. dont know why we complete the no-communication one faster than the one with communication =/ after tat we did Nitro-river crossing. we nd to swing ourselves from one end over to the other. although jordan couldnt do it, he stil persevered til the end! not bad ehs? he did it becos of his confidence and our moral support yea? haha (: then we nd to balance on a see saw which was really tough. 11 of us had to stand on the wooden plank and count to 3/5 when we're in equilibrium. as long as one end of it touches the tyre, we lose. hmm im glad we completed it even as the task was made more difficult by having a condition of not being able to communicate. woohoo! hahah then we proceed to another activity which wasnt so interesting. k after tat we had some vision workshop (II) also nt worth mentioning. lol

28th (day3) ;
its high elements day! woohoo we continued our high elements stations which was more exciting. haha we did the challenge pole. we nd to climb up rather high before jumping off and touching something ahead so as to complete the task. everyone gave their best shot and overcame their fear for height i guess. since it was really high. hmm we wanted to try the second station but due to time constraint the exco instructors told us to stop )= hais wanted to challenge myself further by trying more exciting stations but cant. rawr. after tat we proceed to the much anticipated sandcastle building. it was sooooooooooo FUN! yea man. i missed it alot. at first wendong, shaun, zhi hao and i were water boys for my zone. haha we carried the pail up and down to contain the sea water needed for making sandcastles. lol it's darn heavy la. bet 4 weaklings cant carry it by themselves ;P hahah yea after tat i was really shagged by it and i began building sandcastle with xin ying, jaclyn, mabel, yong yong and zhi hao. haha we were enthu-ly building the head of our zone? yea our zone's theme was sports hub. so we were building the head which was supposed to be a stadium. haha we built til very nice la! rawr. haha hope to get the pics from jewel asap so tat u ppl out there can see (=

29th & 30th (day4-5) ;
haha this two days cant be separated due to land expedition. haha it was fun fun fun fun fun fun. oh man on the 29th we went for service learning in the morning. this is the day we get back our wallet and ezlink card which we surrendered at the beginning. haha then we went ntuc and i spent close to $15 on snacks? lol so fun la. bought loads of choc to share later during land ex. then we set off for cerebral palsy centre alr. haha met our clients there :D hmm it was a very fun experience. got to know andrew, pearline, lucas and many more. they have difficulties in various ways but i think they are strong trying to overcome it :D haha sometimes i wondered what will i do if im in their shoes. yea i did count my blessings after that experience. i found out im really lucky la. xing fu (= after that we sang out of tune but the clients stil cheered us on. so touched. haha cos we practised real hard for it. l o v e the experience!! wheee. after that we had land ex in the night. from 11pm to 5am. our destination was sembawang park. starting point - AJC. mode of travel - legs. lol damn fun. along the way we sang like idiots. and we clapped, rest, danced, crapped, chatted, laughed, cheered, sang and did many stuffs la. so fun right? haha then along the way we ate like there's no tmr. let's see wad did i eat.. dars dark choc, hersheys dark choc, chipsmore, banana biscuits, pringles, oreo, walnut and banana bread, kinderbueno, apollo choc biscuit, mamee, sweets. haha omg la we're like gluttons. then stil got drink justea peach and nescafe mocha. wahaha we shared all those as a group! lol and along the way we faced obstacles we nd to walk a straight path while being blindfolded with our college ties. haha and we nd to lead our teammate in the park while they are being blindfolded. haha since we had 5 guys 5 gals at tat time, so the gals were blindfolded? the guys gotto lead. rawr. then after tat along the way, we were being chased by wild stray dogs. damn scary la. but as guys, we held on to a weapon and try to be alert? haha but damn funny la. when the real dogs came. all of us ran together =/ then a teacher came and yea he shook off the dog with his car. hahah the dog went the other way. hmm it's definitely a fun experience which i'll nv forget. haha.
after tat we watched the sunrise together at sembawang park as a whole. all the DE campers and student instructors. wahaha then we set off back to sch to have our slp? yea we washed up, slept and was all ready for the graduation tea! haha finally! we were graduated from the camp and yea. took alot of pics. we had debrief and many of us were sad? cos we nd to say gdbye to everyone. when i bade gdbye to my instructors and friends, i was really very sad. hais i didnt know why. i just felt like crying. i mean we forged a very close bond with each other. i didnt want to part from JUSTICE. why must all gd things come to an end? hais hope each and every JUSTICE member will rmb one another and keep in contact k? haha we're stil in the same sch anw! good luck in wadever you do k (=

so yea those were my 5days. or perhaps 6? just like to share a few things i heard/learnt during the camp -
#vision without action is a daydream. action without vision is a nightmare
#at end of the camp i dont want to know you as DE campers, i want to call you class leaders - jo siah
#teamwork & effective communication is vital all the time.
#before we can even lead, we must be able to serve the needs of others.
#take the first step out so that others could follow suit.
#trust is important to get things going!

hmm to end it all, i'll just like to say smth familiar to many - when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. haha =D

friday(18/5) was great!

2007-05-19T16:33:00.000+08:00

p-ball is fun! lol totally cool. anw, sch was boring on friday. mass civics got some performance that didnt really engage me. haha then chiong to RV right after chinese lesson. enthu! haha i think i went too early. upon reaching, i only met tessa and her friends. then chatted with her for a while before seeing her off. lol then chatted a little with my table tennis jrs =D played abit of table tennis before meeting the 4idols in the canteen. we went back to our old classroom and realised nth much changed! woohoo 4idols will know what i mean after i upload some pics later. lol cn and jm came first. but cn went to find her band ppl i tink. then i went to collect my cert & rv images. then the nj ppl + vv arrived outside GO. rawr and they couldnt recognise me )= only said hi to jm. lol then soon, the ac ppl appeared and we were taking pics with the visualiser in 4i classroom while the girls are playing some fish game on vv's tabletpc. haha then cn left early for dance performance. hmm she changed her hairstyle, totally nice. haha and we took a pic at the track before leaving sch for vivo. we met kailin there. and we were saying how smiliar was she and yvonne. haha the hairstyle and stuffs. after which, we had our dinner outside marche. then, we collected all the clean plastic bags to play p-ball. that's when everything became so fun! haha we were tossing the ball everywhere. me, dada, wei enn and bw just learnt that game that day. hahah it's really fun. cant stop laughing at certain incidents. wahaha zhenda hit the pball at sher's head 3 times la. lol super fun. then sher wanted to take revenge on dada but dada blocked and hit back at sher's head again! it was indeed amusing. lol then dada was tsk tsk. when he wanted to head the ball to rj. haha jk. hmm soon after, it became a publicly-open game. first, a handsome young boy came to play with us. he's cute la. hahah he knows how to breakdance too. a little sexy at times. lol he told us he was 4yrs old ytd and 5 today. hahah cute boy. then came 2 rough guys on skatescooters (anw they are all not even p6? ). rawr got one guy super rough la. haha swing swing swing. anw, the cute boy had alot of moves with the pball. and they are cool moves. lol professional. i think pball is turning into an international game among KIDS that day. hahah many ppl were watching us play. we were sorta under the spotlight. literally. it was during the night and we were sitting under some light -.= lol so prominent. hahah so glad i met up with 4idols :D:D wheee i love the times spent with them. rawr. we left that place around 10.10pm. hahah the remaining girls ( some went off earlier) took pic outside the toilet -.=

the exit sign of our classroom! it still have the post-its we pasted there one yr ago.

a clear picture of our 4idols. nearly half full attendance =D from left (first row) jie min, yvonne (second row) hui qi, vivien, sheralyn, kah neng, jin yin, cheng jia, steffi, rou jun, zi xin (third row) zhenda, wei enn, buo wei, glen

a less clear picture of us! but nonetheless, a good picture! lol

4i girls posing for pic outside toilet in vivo -.=

when i reached home ard 11+, i watched 200pounds beauty. thanks hq! for lending me the thumbdrive. haha dont worry it's safe in my hands xP the show is darn sad and nice. although the story line is a little short, but it's really touching? how a 200pounds girl like this guy and went under the knife because of him. awww. i applaud her courage for confessing the truth during the concert in the end. it's really very gan ren. haha yeaps u ppl should go watch it if u havent catch that movie yet. haha k tis entry is getting tOOO wordy. i shall stop here and turn in. nights all.

once a 4idol, always one.

Though I’m exhausted to the point where I can’t walk. Though my tears blur my vision, I’ll still smile in front of my love that I’m not able to get. Even though our happy times were short, I’ll treasure it deep inside my heart - like those countless number of stars, forever.

3 teachers leaving.

2007-05-18T12:59:00.000+08:00

today didnt suck as bad as ytd. aj lost all their games ytd. both the finals and semis. but i think the vball guys played til very well ! hahah enjoyed the match and caught the aj spirit =/ i feel so lousy today. dont know why. hahah but i was not emo! anw, thanks kah hwee for coming to aj to pass me the shirt. lol and i cant wait for tmr ! gonna meet up with 4idols. cant wait =D it's been 12082130928349 hrs since we last met. haha so random. all my teachers are gonna leave after second term. sucks la. they were REALLY REALLY good teachers. then the sch replace them with new teachers w no experience at all. rawr what's the sch doing man. Ms New has been a very good maths teacher. but why must she give up classes like that? it's so unfair. Ms Tang is a really knowledgeable gp teacher. she's gd la, why must she retire? cant she stay. hais. Ms Lui is a good econs teacher. at least better than the lecturers in the audi so far. yea lol. but must further study, nvm good luck anw! i'm losing 3 good teachers nxt term. i wonder how am i to survive. will the inexperienced new teachers cover as well as those 3 gd teachers? hope so.

struck by problems. hit by disappointment. bruises all over. but i'll stay strong!

i've tried. but i know i'm stil the least you care =D haha slowly i guess there wont be any more sms reply. slowly, this feeling will be gone. things will nv be the same again. things were nv the same in the same place -.= the kite will snap in the end, i guess.

phy spa 1

2007-05-16T13:08:00.000+08:00

screwed up. my phy SPA is so gone. i passed econs with a 9/20. failed phy 12/40. hope they are not counted. but i think it's 5%. rawr. nvm so im only like 1-2% lower than my friends! lol. hope that's consoling. cant wait for wed, fri and sunday. haha tmr will go support aj's volleyball finals. fri going back RV with 4idols. sunday bowling again! lol so tired of everything. lost to coach today. it's like for every ball i win, i get one point. for every ball he wins, he gets 1/2 point. and i stil lost. wth im so noob.

my heart is calling; ur phone is ringing; but you aint picking.

found out ur cousin in same cca as me! but it makes no diff. hmm nelson hope you're reading this. cheer up! i know i cant do much. but it's over yea? just try harder for other SPAs ok? we shall work towards our goals! im so tired of being only a nobody in ur eyes. rawr.

draining me out

2007-05-15T11:54:00.000+08:00

I am falling to my knees
I need You Lord to breathe in me
My prayer is still the same
My heart is calling out Your name

Sweet anointing fill this place
I am found in Your embrace

Rain down on me
Rain down on me
Here in Your presence I am free
Pour down like rain
Come and touch me again
Lord let Your presence fall on me

this week couldnt be worse than last wk! lol yea today was ok. think i didnt really screw my chi oral. then gp test was like tough but managed to scrap through. pe was slack. 4 more days to endure before the wkends come again! lol hope i can survive it. SPA tmr. rawr hope i can get 7 or 8.

Mianheyo nan anijyo do isang dangshinul sarangmothajyo

we will drift further. smses are getting shorter & lesser. smiles fewer. will we be strangers soon? haha why does it feel like im the last in ur care list. haha imo! rain down on me.

sucky day

2007-05-14T13:41:00.000+08:00

today is mothers' day ! even though many mothers around the world are uber happy, i know 2 mothers are not! hahah =/ woke up in the morning and gave my mum a surprise with a present! lol the first qn she asked me and my bro was ' is it very expensive? ' -.= lol typical mums. =D then my dad pulled a looooooong face while we went bowling in the morning. and soon everything seem bad. lol. went to pick up my grandma for dinner. then when we reached the restaurant we have no table, cos my dad forgot to make reservations! rawr then we drove off to another restaurant to eat =/ and their service sucks la. we ordered 7 dishes. then it was like serving at a rate of 1dish/hr. so we ended up eating 3 dishes in 2hrs plus before cancelling all the dishes. -.= a failed dinner.in the process both mums were scolded by my dad. he scolded my mum stupid when the traffic police came. my mum wanted to warn him about getting fined. but my dad scolded her stupid for no reason -.= rawr! then he scolded my grandma in some dialect over some bbq chicken wing -.= although im not well versed in that dialect, i tink it meant senile or smth. rawr! i realised my dad can be so direct sometimes -.= hais today is mothers' day! hello? arghx a bad day.
here are some pics :

the cereal prawns which didnt taste as well as i thought it would. )=

jiaying and nelson posing for a pic with our justeas!

i drank 4 . nelson and jia ying drank one each. boo there's no peach. out of stock. so we drank lemon instead. )=

all i've ever wanted.

sometimes it all starts with disappointment. disappointment leads to anger, envy, and sadness. i've gotto change. as disappointed as i am, i must move on. life's like that. hahahah we just got to accept it sometimes =D if my heart has a face, i'll make it smile.

2007-05-13T10:19:00.000+08:00

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTVWXYZ

what does it mean? idk.

mug time

2007-05-12T14:10:00.000+08:00

to what degree of sadness is depression?

behind this facade of lies. i'll live on

ai zhen de shi yao yong qi. wo you le yong qi, dan hai shi yi wu suo you. maybe it's just me. terrible week. i dont know you well. and wasnt able to know you better. so yea ))= anw, there wasnt any promise made. so i shouldnt be feeling that sad. haha =/

bad week

2007-05-11T13:51:00.000+08:00

today was a sucky day. but i wont blog about what sucked. instead, i want to share some pics which made my day not so bad after all (= i love ice creams.

i took this pic! decorated by huiqi/serene. WE ARE THE SASI GANG!

serene took this pic -.= not as skillful as me though. haha jk. i love ice creams.

just a random pic of pon and zi. which reflects on my life this wk. one word - sucks.

why are things so gloomy?

behind every smile, there's a story. behind every story, there's a cry. behind every cry, there's a reason. o:

congrats on achieving gold for syf. today had such a bad day in class. this wk is terrible. haha it's gonna end before i know it. haha i wonder if my weekends will be the way i want it to be. i hope so. but i dont think it will be so great anymore. but i'll stil stay optimistic =D haha nelson i know you're reading this. =/ im really sorry. i know you are strong to overcome all your problems! you are such a great friend. pls stay strong. dont wish to see you so sadd.!

good day ahead

2007-05-10T12:09:00.000+08:00

tmr will be a great day i hope =D despite having 3 tests - napfa, chem pre spa and maths ct. cant wait to meet SASI at island creamery again! it's been 10398213980234 days since i last met them. haha sorry for the random numbers =/ k i shall go mug for maths/chem. shall blog again soon. with alot of pics that i havent upload )= haha yeaps and bowling was quite ok today :D named the exco alr. sian all dsa de. haha

Do you ever feel like breaking down ?Do you ever feel out of place? Like somehow you just don't belong And no one understands you

kh is tueston's pri sch gd fren. cool! haha okay that's not the pt. jia you for syf tmr! haha get gwh for the school okay? hmm quite sian of school life lately. yan lao shi sort of unhappy with me le. idk if i continue to give her a bad impression, she'll give me a hard time in aj for these 2 yrs. haha so yea, gotto buck up! rawr. it's to make or break tis wkend.

angry day

2007-05-09T08:47:00.000+08:00

what's wrong with the world ! haha or rather what's wrong with me ! hais it was a happy day 2 days ago. and now i feel so pissed. rawr. i woke up late today even though i slept at 10.45 the previous night. =/ then everything was not done. i didnt pack my bag before i turned in ytd. so yea things were pretty messy. then my dad scolded me for not eating my breakfast and waking up late. )= when i reached the interchange, i was worried i could not make it to sch on time. but i did =D but everything that followed after that was horrible. first was assembly. my form teacher came to ask me for my delta experience camp form. then i told her i didnt paste my photo yet. and she scolded me -.= i tried finding it on the spot. but couldnt find it ( which i will explain why later ). she scolded me again. rawr. then after that i went for gp. i didnt bring my summary! gosh i thought it was bad enough. but things got worse. after break, i had chinese and i faced my form teacher again. she called me up to see her at the beginning of the class and reprimanded me when i told her i DIDNT bring my form! RAWR! she told me to reflect as i was a class rep and supposed to lead by example yada yada yada. hais. i was part reflecting part listening to her chi lesson. lol i realised i've been slacking too much )= nvm then i thought things COULDNT get worse. but yea it did. i flopped my pre spa. i had 2 anomalous pts -.= and i didnt have the time to repeat my readings. it's been a bad day. i hope tis will be a turning pt for me. to do my hw and stuffs. )= i nd to buck up.

All I know. Time is a valuable thing. Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings. Watch it count down to the end of the day. The clock ticks life away

im so confused now. i dont know what to do if all else fails. i'll try and see how things go. dont worry bout ur tests. i know u'll do better after syf =D hmm today is a bad day, perhaps what goes up must come down. i hope tmr will be a better day! in one way or another. hahahha cant wait for june hols to come! and cant wait to go back rv with 4idols! hahah (=

settlers1

2007-05-06T00:26:00.000+08:00

nd switched back to using laptop =/ then my personal msg changed back to wad it was 1098234 days ago. haha anw that was random numbers. hmm 'tatta hitotsu no koi' =D anw, hope you performed at ur best in the sa choir concert naaaat! sry i couldnt make it. k i shall spend sometime talking about today. haha i woke up at 9. went to sch at 10.45, reached at 11.30 haha sorry gerald,nelson and zhong hao. i was late. supposed to meet at 11. =/ hmm then we sort of finished our gp project! well ready to present on monday anw! hahah then wan chin was nice and bought us lunch! haha although she was quite blur. to find out that there was a rojak / popiah stall after she bought carrot cake. haha thanks alot btw =DDD we were really very hungry then. after that, i went to meet 4idols at settlers in clarke quay. woohoo it was free ! haha sponsored by our dearest alumnis from RV. they told us to bring more friends nxt time -.= haha think they are freaking rich. think they paid alot bahs. cos we ate 1 settler's platter + 2 sets of chicken wings + 14-20 drinks + 2 sets of garlic bread + 3 sets of nuggets + 4 chicken little burgers + 2 sets of onion rings + 2 sets of drumsticks. around $150+++ it's just one table btw. think there were 4-6 tables booked for rvians? lol after that we went to walk walk. went into central and exited from the opposite side. LOL then we went to sit by the river's side. so cool took a few pics. lala. brought back alot of memories for me. cos i once had happy memories there =D hmm. we played cards and chatted abit here and there. then i started throwing small stones at someone. lol okay i shall not digress. overall, it was really fun to hang out with peeps from 4i! haha i simply love my friends. hmm i shall upload the pics latest by tmr i hope =D i shall end this entry with a quote from hq, 'we should give and expect nth in return'. hmm guess this is how the world functions. (=

ai zhen de shi yao yong qi~

your little actions speaks of your personality. your words speak of your character. the build-up of these two prolly showed me the good side of you. &the reason i fell for you. although i know you did it not for me but for everyone, i'm glad to see the smile on your face. haha you are the reason why im going strong. thanks. (=

backsliding

2007-05-05T09:45:00.000+08:00

Jesus is the arm that will hold you at your weakest,

the eye that will see you at your darkest,

and the heart that will love you at your worst.

- NAAAAT

was looking through my inbox and saw this.. so true =D had a terrible week. haha hope i can seek Him for refuge not only in bad patches but in good times too. thanks for Your strength and Your grace. (= i feel really bad for backsliding for the past one year. anw, just went for a prayer meeting in ajc. haha didnt know they have one there before my classmate told me. haha i shall be good and hand in my hw punctually from now on! hmm guess that's the only thing i can do until i know how to manage my time well bahs. thanks nelson for the drawing. haha appreciate it loads. and my clique of friends who's always there for me! =D love you ppl loads. wahaha. ok so touchy. i shall go do my gp hw now. sians. lol

i'll survive the tests and trials ahead!

thanks for those few words(ie. thank you) you nv know it might just brighten up my day! haha i guess im not good enough. but it's nice to see you laugh and smile in the presence of others. (= hmm i guess there isn't a 'restart' button to life, so i'll just click 'play' and watch where it goes.

bowling is ex. lol

2007-05-03T13:07:00.000+08:00

im at a lost now. felt like ur helper more than friend. =/ supposed to do my final pi now but here i am blogging. haha gosh im so slack la. today had phy and chem tests. i studied for phy ONLY but end up flunking it and find the chem paper easier than expected =/ sians. today bowling was quite fun. was waiting for a sms. but it nv materialize. hahah nvm. we had a cake too. guess why? lol it's aj bowling 1st anniversary!! lol cool man. i simply love bowling. haha but too bad it's a costly game. we nd to purchase a bowling shirt $14.50. a bowling windbreaker $24. pay the bowling fees $20. that makes it $58.50 this week alone! rawr. tmr got napfa. hope i can get at least a silver so that i can have free games during pe. haha i had gold for consecutive 3 yrs alr. dont know why the sudden drop. who cares. lol im so tired. k gotto rush my pi now. tmr's submission deadline. yea DEADline. )= anw i love my friends! haha.

i'll stand the wait.

why did everything changed so much. why the sudden change. it's been only a wk. slowly i ponder if u care at all. perhaps you dont, but i'll just shou hou. hope someday i can move ur heart. til then, i'll be happy. haha thanks to those who tried to cheer me up. (= im super grateful. haha

numb

2007-04-30T12:16:00.000+08:00

i love my friends and i will treasure them. true friends are those who will stay with you when you're down and share their joy with you all the time. haha im glad i have many. (= thanks ppl. just went to vv's hse to record a song <feng> lol sorry lazy to type chinese. =/ sher went off early. so all that was left was will, me and vv. william was really funny at the start of the song. lol but i had an enjoyable time recording that song =D thanks i really had alot of fun then.

rang ai shen tou le di mian, wo yao de zhi shi ni zai wo sheng bian~

hais. i hope that someday, you will rmb me or perhaps miss my presence. cos i will stil be here for you. i hope.

gloomy days

2007-04-29T14:01:00.000+08:00

hais im blogging again in less than a wk. dont u sense smth wrong? yea smth is wrong! everyone has caught the depression bug! rawr. why are my gd friends all so sad nowadays? cheer up! although im not feeling any better, but it affects me alot to see ppl around me sadd! so ppl bounce back! stay your cheerful self yea? to those who are sad because of tests - stay awake during lectures and tutorials, and you will find your grades improving alr =D to those who are sad because of a relationship - dont be sad, cos even though u lost someone who didnt like you, that person lost someone who loves him/her! so he/she's at a greater loss yea? ahh common tests next wk! im totally unprepared for it due to some problems handling with my emotions. i hope i will be ready by tuesday. hahah looking forward to tmr. hope to go bowling again! looking forward to meet up with my friends too =D

"friends are like four-leave clovers - easy to lose but lucky to have"

but if i let you go, i will never know. what my life would be, holding you close to me. will i ever see, you smiling back at me. oh how will i know, if i let you go.. ))=

im sad but i know i'll get over it. you have came into my life, and now you're gonna go away without a word? hais. maybe i did the wrong thing by letting go your hand that day. cos i felt like im letting you go now just like that )=

fallen

2007-04-25T09:55:00.000+08:00

hais. it's time to do smth about my life. lol i've been failing most of my tests. 1/9 maths 2/15 gp 2.5/12 econs 10/11 physics. hhaha =/ only physics did well. due to some external factors. anw, aj family day was rather fun! hmm i will post the pictures the nxt time when i blog again. hahha we made $189.50. a far cry from the $300+ 4idols made last yr through the sales of tea egg and mai ya tang! haha i miss 4i sooooooooo much. let's go overseas at the end of tis yr again k? hmm anw smth random - zhenda joined cello/double bass cos he likes to play the 'g' string! lol jk. was chatting with him just now. i realised everyone is so busy with their schedule that it's hard to meet up and chat. ahh btw i want to learn how to play qing tian's bridge on cello! arghx. hais sometimes i wonder what is optimism when it's marred by lost hope. )= anw, i have to pack my room/file before my parents come back from overseas. lol must be guai. like i always am =/ tata.

back at one.
say farewell to the dark of night. i see the coming of the sun. i feel like a little child, whose life has just begun. you came and breathed new life~

just waiting for the end of syf- 10th may. i dont know what's your stand now. show me a sign, & i'll try. maybe i was thinking too much right from the start. why is it bothering me so much now! arghx.

life goes on

2007-04-16T09:37:00.000+08:00

we fall, we learn, we move on. that's what life is about right? i dont know how to start. Sat(14/4) was supposed to be a big day for 4 of us. i wont wanna screw it up. but in the end, i did. sorry team 4i. i will improve and play better next year! and we shall beat the 1st nxt year =D life hasn't been exactly great. im losing alot of study time. i've been bowling alot. i've been spending alot of money. haha all these got to stop! but bowling can continue though. haha. crap. i hope i can get my footing right, or i'll end up being retained at the end of the year =/ i wont want that to happen. anw, i shall share some pics and share a quote from 'black' which i find interesting. (=

you have to take the good with the bad, smile with the sad,love what you've got, rmb what you had. always forgive, nv forget, learn frm mistakes, nv regret. pple change, things go wrong, but rmb, life goes on - black

my bowling ball - Hyjinx

another picture of the beautiful ball =D

it comes in a package! haha bowling can be so fun =D

lol some bananas which i put in the freezer for half a day. when i took it out, i have to defrost it. and tada! it became this colour after defrosting. btw, the underside of the banana is stil yellow in colour. cool? =/

haha i took this at bukit batok csc's carpark. it shows a Mini parking beside another Mini. btw, the green car is smaller in size than the blue one o_O haha but they're both Minis.

I bet that crown hurts him more than he shows; Father please cant you do something? I know that you must hear my cry. I thought I could handle a cross of this size, Father remind me why, why does everyone want me to die. When will I understand why? ~

I dont know why im feeling so lost. what was meant to be will be. how are you doing in ur sch now? hope it's fine. aj is quite fun actually (= i do miss you sometimes. arghx. i wish i can do smth about this. life goes on i guess. my heart is calling, is your phone ringing? )= jgqww,ukicwtiy!

nationals last day.

2007-04-06T12:34:00.000+08:00

what a finale for AJtt. we won 4-1 against mjc. there goes this year's competition because we did not manage to clinch 2nd in our group. we are 3rd ): congrats to SAtt which managed to send both gals and guys team to the top 6 round =D im so stressed, hardly able to catch up with work in AJ. rawr i wonder if i can cope with the tests which are ard the corner. gonna get my bowling ball on sat!! yay. i hope i can adapt to the ball fast and get my footwork right! before sat's competition. anw, liverpool won 3-0 against psv. owned. hahahah think they are tipped to win the champions league again! 'you will never walk alone' . lol sounds like aj's motto - Non Mihi Solum. finally a long weekend! but i guess im quite sure i wont be productive during these 3 days.

There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok -But that's not what gets ~me

how's the concert? hope you're enjoying yourself at AJ audi. lol am i outta my mind? =/ when the string snaps, what will be left will be nothing. the kite will find its place in the sky. but im not letting go. struggling to keep the string intact! but i know im failing. jgunuaatiy`

sum of updates

2007-04-01T00:19:00.000+08:00

finally, i can use my com to blog again. rawr. was banned from com for a while. ): anw, i can finally upload some pictures onto my blog! =D first of all, we went to settlers on sunday(24/3)? yea it was fun alright! haha it was sort of a small class gathering fyi. before entering settlers, we came by this commotion with police throwing smth at some monkeys in the public. lol i think the monkey escaped from somewhere. perhaps bukit timah hill? lol! but the monkeys kept climbing so yea. we decided to move on to our intended destination-settlers. we found out 2 of the 'part-timers' there were from RV! one of them mentioned about L^2M. That RV senior went to NJ. typical rvian =/ hhaha btw, took some pics of the games we played there (:

this is called Halli Galli. William's hand went down before Wen Ling's. that split second. whoosh.

this game is Dinosaur Rumble! haha Sheralyn always seems to be the slowest to realise that all the bones are gone from the table. =/

Then we had another larger class gathering on zixin's bdae! haha which is last thurs(29/3)? haha this time we had ppl from hci, nj, ac, aj, np all coming to celebrate her bdae! whoa and we took lots of pictures. hahah happy bdae zx! =D

this is the a picture of bw and germs together! whoa rare occasion. thanks for being so sporting :D btw, they're ACJC students in AJC tie o_O

zhenda is advertising zx's bdae cake. look at his expression and you will know how good the cake tastes :D anw, he took 3 slices ;P it was simply tooo good to resist.

'ahh, how refreshing!' - jj. he's advertising some 'spring' water! lol.

btw ajtt cant proceed to second round alr ): sry team. and SAjc's life concert was nice! haha met alot of old classmates there :D actually not that old. went there with some ACJC ppl. haha think they are a fun lot anw.. climbed out of the gate before the concert ended and went to eat tau huey. miss it ;D hmm rock on SA! lol. update more photos nxt time (=

inside out.

hmm it's a great concert. too bad u missed it ;P but i doubt u will enjoy that kinda concert anw. =/ hmm i wish i was in a better position to ask you out. =/ i feel happy at kap (= but i didnt take the initiative to start a conver with you. hmm idk what to say then. arghx i must learn to take things on a brighter note..
ps. btw, sry hq. i didnt mean to make u angry at lib again. arghx. if only i had more grace and didnt hit u back. )x

Aim high.

2007-03-24T14:11:00.000+08:00

hillsongs is better than DBSK! haha have to make this clear first, before some gang of 3 ppl come slaughter me. today was great. lol in bowling CCA, got in table tennis first team and got their competition tee. wooo. but we sure lose anw. lol nvm shall try our best not to be kicked out in first round! haha. there's so much homework for this weekend. rawr. )x oh yea. just visited AJ LIBRARY! haha really 3 storeys. but stil lose to JElib. hais jia you upgrading bahs AJ(if they have any plans to make the library bigger). lol! i suddenly miss SA alot. if not for the distance, i think SA would have been of top choice. nvm AJ is a fun place too :D with fun ppl like me. lol jk. but aiya the j1s are not as mug as i thought they would be. didnt skip any lectures/tutorials. learn to be guai alr (x k tmr got friendly against ah pui's sch. got to rest. have not went home earlier than 8pm for the past wk. haha. arghx lazy to upload pics. ): nvm tmr got 4i small outing. will take pics to post! lol
Light of the world You stepped down into darkness . Opened my eyes let me see . Hope of a life spent with You . Beauty that made this heart adore You~

i need a break. why u prolly cant make it to sa concert? hope u can! (: haha i suddenly miss you again )x i just cant let the string of the kite snap. i hope there'll be an outing soon and you will be there. haha k im thinking too much. where is the path im heading? i need directions )x

Purpose.

2007-03-22T13:46:00.000+08:00

first entry! =D first, i'll like to thank nat for helping me with the setting up of this blog. on another note, i find that i've been moving ard aimless-ly, with no purpose in mind. rawr. hate this feeling )= at first, i didnt know which cca to join - bowling or table tennis. but now im quite sure i want bowling! haha. AJC has been better than expected. haha they have many things in stored for us! obviously, it's a mugging sch (just like some other sch with uniform that has the same colour as our top) but the students haven't went full force studying yet. lol. however, the library is fully utilised as usual. can u believe it, 3-storeys library(prepared for all students to mug)! sry ppl, time to mug. gtg. haha jk dance floor showing now ! sry for this wordy entry. will add some pictures nxt time xD
i believe i can fly. i believe i can touch the sky. i think abt it every night and day. spread my wings and fly away~

i wish i'd known you earlier, known you better. dont like to leave things dangling like that. we may be from different schs, but im not letting go. the FEEL dont come often and now that i have it, i shall chase it! <3