through tests and trials ;
Everyone needs compassion
And love that never fails
Let mercy fall on me
When everyone needs forgiveness
Kindness of the Saviour
The Hope of the nation
Saviour, He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
So take me as you find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything that i believe in
Now i surrender
Shine a light in and
let the whole world see
Singing, for the glory of the risen king
Jesus, Shine a light and
let the whole world see
Singing for the glory of the risen king
Monday, 12 December 2011
-10:49
Dear Blog,
truth be told, im getting a little weary.
Scenario 1: if i didnt mention it right at the beginning and dont give a thought about it, you'd have gone out with cc or fx. i'd appear to be drifting because i dont give any thoughts about anything. and you'll happily be out with cc, fx or anybody else. you'll be happy, you'll soon see the same situation as the previous one that you've encountered. you'll find them more interesting. you'll wonder why i dont seem to care.
Scenario 2: if i choose to be against the idea of going out alone with cc, fx or anybody, i'll appear to be restrictive, to be over possessive. I cant let you to become you. I dont respect you. Yeah all these hurtful stuffs get hurled back at me. 'oh in other words, you just dont have faith in me la' you see? if things are being probed, it becomes no faith, no respect, no true you.
im seriously sandwiched between these 2 which i can be neither, blog. Blog, why cant you understand my dilemma? How sure are you that cc or fx (or those you intend to go out alone with) arent interested in you? Yes, you can assure me now that oh they like you and you cant stop them but as long as you dont reciprocate it will be fine. How certain are you that you wont waiver despite all their doings? Perhaps, the way you handled things in the past really did have an impact on the things today but it's definitely not the sole reason.
When i mentioned group, you were adamant that they dont exist, you dont belong to any. you chose to believe that way and refused to listen what i was saying. you totally just blocked me off. how is this trying to understand what im saying? how is this trying to listen? the reason why i mentioned group was really simple, if you do hang out in a group, and if cc, fx or whoever really do have any feelings, they are more unlikely to do anything funny? Well, if you cant see this point then basically i've failed in raising such awareness.
You kept insisting that you'll try and things dont change / happen overnight but each time you try, are you merely doing it for the sake of doing? or do you see the underlying reason and do things with love? 'oh btw im chatting w XYZ', 'good morning' in the event you do receive these from me, will you see what i see? because from my POV, they seemed forced like oh im supposed to do this so i do it just to make you happy -end of story- how are things gonna be happier this way? you asked me to remind you when youre not doing/saying the things you are supposed to. if i were to remind you, in a way im forcing things upon you and making you do things you dont want to do? if you arent even doing all these things with love, with conscious effort, in what way are you passionate about all these things? you simply do not believe in the mechanics of all the things you've been doing on a routine. Does a mum wash clothes because she thinks she has to wash to make the whole family happy? then she'll think 'oh, i forgot to wash. kk i go wash' OR do the mum wash clothes because she loves the family, because she wants the family to have clean clothes to wear when going out? We often take things for granted. Having clean clothes each time we go out, taking pocket money, having a roof above our head. Did our parents not do those things out of love? the underlying message i'm trying to bring across is - things are meant to be done with love. if you dont love what youre doing, then you'll always be unhappy doing the things you are TOLD to do, rather than you exercise your own conscious effort to do for others. if you love dance, you'll practise randomly, you'll stretch on your bed just trying to be able to do a split someday. if you love singing, you'll sing randomly, you'll put in an effort to try to correct the problems faced in singing. you LOVE smth, you'll make an EFFORT to do it without being told because subconsciously, you love whatever you're doing.
you say life is tough. no one ever said life was simple. without a challenge, how do we strive? but it's about how we change that mindset to become positive. how we make that challenge interesting, fun and enjoyable! no one was borned with the ability to excel well for exams, to be able to play squash, to be able to shoot an arrow. we learn as we grow. we accept difficulties when we face one but we do not admit defeat right at the sight of one.
of the 80% of the time, im sorry and i do admit it's my fault for always pursuing things you do not like to correct. i do admit i was negative about many things and i've myself to blame. but somehow i do hope sometimes you can make me positive, tell me things, do things not for the sake of doing but out of your own gesture.
in short, i'll end it with something i learnt from somewhere -
speak sweeter, love deeper, give forgiveness, embrace eternity
honestly, i do hope you understand, Blog. I really seek your understanding in doing things not merely cos you HAVE to do it but you LOVE to do it.
From your beloved writer,
Glen
